How do you get your point across to a teenager? Whether it is in a group, a family meeting or a one-on-one conversation, we often face the problem of getting teenagers to understand our point of view.

Most teens, including my own, think they have all of the answers by the time they are fifteen. Teens do not want to admit it, but they need our help to understand this crazy world we live in. In a very real sense we are their guide. Here are a couple of ideas to help you.

Don’t lecture – facilitate! Let’s say you are trying to get your teenager to take more responsibility for their homework. You have given the standard homework lecture several times and that has not worked. Why not try something different? Ask thought-provoking questions to get your teenager thinking and talking about the issue.

Ask questions that minimize the yes and no answers from your teenager. Use more open-ended discussions stimulation questions. For example: If you were the parent how would you get your child to do their homework on time? Is there someone who can help you in that subject?

The goal is to have your teenager respond positively to your message. In this case it was doing their homework on time, but you can use the same approach for other topics that teenagers are dealing with. For example: smoking, driving the car, getting a job, etc.

Your responsibility is to listen and direct the conversation in a positive direction. Below are some other ideas to help you.

1. Be a tour guide in the discussion – don’t dominate it

2. Keep the discussion centered on the topic

3. Promote friendly discussion

4. Ask open ended questions

5. Guard against your biases

6. Debrief your teenager after the discussion

7. Praise and congratulate them

Ideas for Implementation

1. In your next serious discussion with your teenager use the 15-second rule. The rule means that neither of you can respond to the others comment for at least fifteen seconds. Stress that the time must be used to digest what was said and not on what you are going to say in response.
2. Change roles. Clearly outline your position on a topic and your teenager’s point of view. Now switch roles and sell each other on the merits of your new position. Your teenager gets an opportunity to see the subject in a completely different way. Now, can you both compromise?