Elizabeth Andrew

How I Stay Skinny

Disclaimer Number One: I cannot cook.

Disclaimer Number Two: I may eat my words someday. No pun intended.

Disclaimer Number Three: See number one.

I’m sitting here in my kitchen reading one of my new books, How To Boil Water, while cooking some chicken in the oven. It just occurred to me, “I should write about being skinny.” It sounds like a ridiculously un-humble thing to write about so allow me to explain…
           
Almost everyday someone asks me, “How do you stay so thin?” The truth is, over the past few years I’ve come up with some sly ways to maintain a healthy weight. 
           
* * * We interrupt this message to turn off the fire-alarm. * * *
           
Wow. Only having one chair in my home has its drawbacks when trying to find something quickly to step on to turn the alarm off. I guess the chicken is done.
           
Anyway, here’s my shout-out to being healthy and slender.

1. I don’t eat junk.

I’m broke. Since I’m just starting out in job-land, the money I make goes into the account and then out of the account toward my newfound bills. Yes, life is high school with a credit card. But credit cards do not pay for themselves and neither does 6 years of college.

In the supermarket I laugh at the Doritos. I laugh at the ice cream. I laugh especially at the soda.

Do you know how much that stuff costs? My goodness! And it doesn’t even keep you alive! Food is a humungous bill, cutting out junk cuts down costs.  

2. I exercise.

Call me Captain-Obvious but I’m telling you, exercise is important and will slim you down, shape you up, make you feel great, and keep chronic diseases at bay.

2a. I use weights.

Weight bearing exercise is much more time-efficient then using an elliptical machine for eons. I do some cardio but I do not sing the “I have secret muscle under my fat” song. Trust me, weight bearing exercise is where it’s at if you want to improve your physical health.

3. I don’t own a TV.

Sitting and reading a book and sitting and watching TV probably burn an equal amount of calories. I can’t really justify why not owning a TV may contribute to staying slender, but it certainly can’t hurt. If I need a diversion from reading, I turn to the gym as opposed to turning to the tube.

4. I have an active job.

Today I sat down at my job for a total of 4 ½ minutes. In a typical day I move, hoist, push, pull, carry, and arrange about 50 instruments including drum sets, baritones, tenor saxophones, baritone saxophones, French horns, baritone horns and any combination of 100 music stands and folding metal chairs. Everyday. Not once a week. E-ver-y day.

Throughout the day I also bend, squat, lean, conduct, and play about 10 instruments. I contort my body around chairs, music stands, and small beings, typically referred to as “children” in order to arrange my hands over their smaller hands in the quest to get some 130 ten-year-olds to play the correct notes at the correct time.

I once ran a jazz band rehearsal where I played my saxophone, kept time on a ride cymbal, and shouted out counts to trumpet players…all the while…and I am not kidding…balancing on one foot.

I make about 4 trips to and from my car and school- and that’s just in the morning. I can only carry so much stuff at one time. I get to work early but even so, I’m sure some people at work think I always arrive 15 minutes late if they only witness my 3rd or 4th entrance into the building.  

5. I do not cook with butter.

I own butter, but I never use it. I’m not even sure why I own it. I guess I may butter a pan once in awhile and even then I use a sliver.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not butter-phobic. I just don’t “get” it. What is its purpose? What does it do? “For taste!” some people may say. Well, I say, “taste your food.” I have to include butter in this list because I have witnessed butter-abuse. I’ve seen half sticks of butter go into small pots for broccoli and slabs of butter on toast. Butter is not the enemy per se and I’m not trying to villain-ize the poor stuff, but if you’re worried about your waistline you might want to re-think chunks of hardened milk-fat.

5a. Margarine is not butter on a diet. It’s just “stuff.” It has no nutritional value. Don’t hate me for margarine-bashing. I’m sure if you use margarine that you are a lovely person. I’m just say’n…

6. I do not eat diet food.

Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean meats do not come in “low fat” or “zero calorie” versions. If I’m going to eat a brownie it had better be the most awesome brownie ever and that means a full-fat brownie, darnet.

7. A trick I learned in grad school, “Drink orange juice.”

I’d be on campus all day so between classes I had a tendency to go to the vending machine and purchase a drink. This wasn’t cost-effective and I soon realized that buying a huge thing of orange juice and filling a used “bottled-water” bottle with the juice before heading to campus saved me money. The secondary effect was that I was drinking healthier and getting antioxidants.

8. I do not drink soda.

The exception is when I’m at a gathering and I can’t drink alcohol because I know I’ll be driving home soon. Then as a diversion, I’ll reach for some soda. Other than that, I just don’t drink it.

8a. Diet soda freaks me out.

“Zero calorie” soda does not mean that drinking it is going to put you on the road to your physical best.

I’ve heard of people losing 12 lbs in 2 weeks from cutting out soda alone. ‘nuff said.

9. I do not eat fast-food.

I don’t even know where fast-food is located around where I live. I know where about 12 Catholic Churches are located, but not fast-food. Seriously, I’m sitting here trying to think of a place and I can’t. I’m not trying to be mean, but I would rather go hungry then eat fast-food. Sorry.

10. I stop eating when I’m full.

I love eating at restaurants because it’s a bargain. I can pay $12.00 on a great meal and what-do-you-know, it’s breakfast and lunch the next day.

Someone pointed out to me, “Elizabeth, I’ve noticed that you stop eating when you’re full.” I thought, “Well, duh. Why would I keep eating if I’m full?”

It’s true. I go through a lot of plastic wrap because I’m always putting it over plates of food I don’t finish. Then for a snack, I eat left-over meal food which tends to be healthier than snacking on non-meal-type food.

11. I have conservative alcoholic intake.

A friend in college was wearing sweatpants one day. She told me, “I’m wearing these because I drank too much and I’ve gained some weight.” I knew there was a correlation between drinking and weight gain, but seeing a friend going through it really opened my eyes. I enjoy my beverages. I just don’t drink too much. Two drinks a month or about 10 drinks a year is plenty.

The notorious “freshman 15” of college students is not a cosmic accident. Metabolisms do not plunge by some strange metaphysical pull surrounding college campuses. People drink too much and they eat dessert all day at the dining hall. Wow, I keep feeling like I need to apologize for offending people. Uh, sorry.

Apology stated. The list marches on…

12. I know what I like for indulgences and I enjoy them quite a bit.

I must have so much sugar in my tea that I can really taste it. I basically drink hot, flavored, sugar water twice a day and I feel no guilt.

I like mozzarella cheese. I don’t know if it’s good for me or not. I don’t bother finding out because I know I will not change my ways. No, I don’t use butter, but man do I use cheese.

I love chocolate-coffee concoctions. For me, coffee is a dessert. At the end of a difficult week, I am off to the coffee shop. I’m sure it’s loaded with ingredients that are slowly mummifying the insides of my arterial walls, but I do not care! No sweets in my home, no fast food, and no soda, means my chocolate-coffee indulgence is probably okay.

Well, you’ve made it to the end of my list. I hope you don’t totally hate me for being blunt. I’m not a food angel by any means. On Tuesday my lunch was an M&M cookie-ice-cream-sandwich the art teacher handed off to me in the hallway between classes.

That was also the day I covered about 3 miles of walking in the hallways to retrieve students and to trouble shoot a major scheduling glitch, an endeavor that included one gate-keeper (“You cannot go further.” “What? Into the fourth grade?” “She is protected until 10:35!”), two emergency conference sessions, a international crisis-management team, three U.N. negotiators, one guidance counselor, two type-A music teachers, a major act of Congress, and the Dali Lama.

It was a great day to have ice cream lunch.

But I’m not going to lie, I’m still skinny.  

 

Elizabeth Andrew founded the University of New Hampshire's Students for Life group, which has gone on to receive the Cardinal John O'Connor Evangelium Vitae Award. After college, Elizabeth walked the length of California with the American Life League project, Crusade for the Defense of Our Catholic Church. The following summer she walked the east coast with the Missionaries of the Eucharist, which is a group that promotes Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body. She lives and writes from New York. Visit Elizabeth Andrew's website at www.ElizabethAndrew.org

 

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