Dear Son,
When I was a teenager I wished, just as you do now, that my dad could be my
best friend. However, it wasn't until my time to be a father came up, when I
really understood why my wish would never come true. And it wasn't that my
dad didn't want to be my best friend, except he understood that a real
father could never be the best friend.
There are many reasons, but the most important one is the big difference
between a friend's role and father's role. A friend is at the same level as
yours since both of you share many things in common such as age, way of
thinking, preferences, activities and pastimes.
A father's role is a lot more difficult but particularly more important for
you. A father must provide his son constant love, daily economic subsistence
and appropriate education within his means. He must also protect him
physically and emotionally, give him emotional support and encouragement,
guide him and always set a good example for him. But more importantly,
instill in him ethical and moral values so he may become a more responsible,
self sufficient, and compassionate human being.
A friend has a totally different influence than a father therefore; a father
who tries to be the best friend can't be a real father. You may have plenty
of friends but only one father. To be a friend is voluntary, it's an option.
To be a father is a privilege but above all, it's a moral obligation. The
only similarities between a father and a real friend are things like sharing
activities suitable for your age, offering emotional support, discouraging
the weaknesses in your character and encouraging your self-improvement.
A friend does not have any authority rights over you however, as your father
I do and it isn't because it gives me great satisfaction to impose my
authority, but because it's my responsibility to discipline you. To set
rules and make sure they are followed is a right that belongs to all parents
and it's earned when someone assumes total responsibility for a child.
Authority and responsibility go together. You can't demand freedom or
authority without having responsibilities. As long as you live with your
parents and depend on them for shelter, food, clothing, schooling,
entertainment activities etc., you must obey the rules we have set. My
obligation as a father is to give you what you need and not necessarily what
you want. Eventually you'll become a self-sufficient adult and along with
your wife you will also determine your own rules whenever you undertake the
difficult task of forming your home.
When you were born, God gave me a blessing that has given me great happiness
but at the same time, he gave me a mission that nobody else can perform and
it is the most difficult and toughest a human being can receive. This
mission is to be God's instrument to show you the right path to follow. Some
day, God will make me accountable for the fulfillment of this great and yet
so noble and satisfying a commitment.
As a father, my main purpose is not to gain popularity votes but to be a
responsible father and strive, above all, for your moral development and
well being. If I do a good job performing my duty, in time you'll realize
that these principles I'm trying to instill in you will be the best thing I
can offer you as a father. Don't ever forget that no matter what happens, I
will always love you and I'll be there for you to share your achievements
and willing to help you overcome your failures. No matter how difficult it
may be for you, always strive to be a better son, a better brother, a better
husband and especially a better human being before God. Some day you'll
understand completely the great importance and deep meaning of this letter.
On that day, you and I will start to develop a unique and profound bonding.
When that day comes, you'll never forget it for it will be one of the
happiest days of your life. On that day so special, you'll also receive a
beautiful blessing and an extraordinary responsibility. It will be the day
when you hold in your arms your first child. From that moment on you'll also
understand that more important than being your son's friend, it is to be a
real father.
copyright Sergio Ferreira