Deacon Tom Fox

Being a Quiet Mom (Really!)

For June (and this summer) I would like to talk with you moms – to talk about quiet – about peace in your mind and heart and soul… and about you spending some of those moments in God’s awesome presence. BUT, I also want to say to you – I know how hard this invitation (or need) can be to respond to.

First – my wife and I raised four children: two girls (oldest) and two boys. They came fairly close together – all in seven years. So we know some about being busy parents. And – just to share a little recent ‘reality’ from our lives – my wife (Dee) and I went down to Scottsdale to visit our oldest daughter, but also to babysit several days for our two young granddaughters (aged two and four). Here are just a few minutes of my own personal ‘logging’ about what it was like to be with them and babysitting:

“Although we enjoyed being with the granddaughters – and we had lots of play-time and intimate moments of love, there were portions of the days when I couldn't concentrate on anything -- particularly anything adult... no email, no phone calls -- certainly no reading of books or articles saved up for vacation... Thinking of changing and perhaps going for a walk, I went into the bedroom to put on walking shorts -- and I was followed into that room not by one granddaughter... but by the two of them and by the dog. Each of the three of them wanting something.... Holly the dog wanted her next walk outside...After that, in a short while it was dinnertime. One granddaughter wanted to eat just bread oriented food, the other didn’t want to eat at all...” Our dinnertime was a period of persuasion and pleading and edgy discomfort at not getting a balanced meal into our ‘charges.’

Yes – I do understand what it means to be a mom and try to “be still and know that I am God.”

I found this on a website about silence.... it’s called:

Presence of God
"At the still point of my turning world, at the core of my being, I wait to hear and feel the gentle presence of God Who calls me to open and let go. Can I go to that place where God is calling me?”

A holy woman – foundress of a place called Madonna House is Catherine Doherty. She wrote a wonderful book called Poustinia: Encountering God in Silence, Solitude and Prayer (Madonna House Classics). This is a Russian word meaning ‘desert.’ If I could encourage any book for you to take to the beach… to take to the mountains… to read for those 15 minutes at night before your drained body says, ‘no more,’ – the book would be Poustinia. In a wonderful, readable style, Catherine shares an explanation of what has happened to us with our constant non-stop existence… She leads us into an understanding that the heart of our existence comes from quiet minutes spent with Him who is love. In fact – in the Madonna House community – people routinely spend periods of time in complete silence with nothing other than the Bible.

Now – you may not be ready for that. You may not feel you are called to that. You may say, “There is no way in God’s creation that I could do anything like that…” But – God really does speak to us in silence.
So – how can you busy moms incorporate some silence into a life that is already overflowing? Well – I’m a deacon and my life can get pretty busy. But a spiritual advisor kept working with me and finally encouraged me to try getting up a little early before anything starts in my day. Is there a possibility you could consider trying that?

I get up – usually just after 6:00 AM – I go out to a chair or the couch and I try to turn my still-awakening mind and heart over to silence… I may find my mind taking off with things that are on my plate… I may start thinking about a homily I’m working on… but I gently try to swing back to the awesome silence at the foot of the Lord… and often I feel His love wrapping itself around me – no words need be said. After a period of silence – I turn to morning prayer accompanied by a hot cup of coffee. God is good!

If the early morning thing just won’t work – could you talk to your husband and tell him that you need a break – perhaps just a few times a week to get started… Not to go to Starbucks by yourself… but to go to a place of total silence… End your get-away in whatever prayers are on your heart – but start by ‘listening.’

I know this is tough – believe me I know. But moms need this so very much. (In fact – our dear Lisa of CatholicMom just emailed all of us columnist-contributors about her need for some of this ‘down’ time. I hope she won’t mind that I told you this.)

A Fr. Lou Guntzelman wrote these words and I’d like to end this month’s column with them… they say much of what I’m trying to share: “In true solitude we come to see ourselves as a part of everything, a part of nature. We gradually rediscover inspiration, belonging, and a wisdom in our own company. The basic language of God, as John of the Cross claimed, is silence, and it is only in silence that we hear it.”

God be with you moms. God loves you. I love you. Have a great summer.

Deacon Tom.
www.deacontomonline.com

ps: You can order the book Poustinia, and many other of the books written by Catherine Doherty from Amazon or through Madonna House Publications from Combermere, Canada. Many of their books are narrated on CD in case you’re not a reader.

Tom Fox is an ordained Deacon serving in the Archdiocese of Denver. He is currently assigned to a small mountain community outside of Rocky Mountain National Park. Tom receives many requests for copies of his homilies -- and many recent homilies and experiential reflections are found on his website: www.deacontomonline.com. Tom would love to hear from you and will try to answer any questions or sharing that you send in.

 

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