Faith, Family and Fatherhood
by James Hahn
Additional Catholic Mom
Columns
Murder, Mercy
and Ministry
On my way home from work I did
something I almost never do, I picked up a hitchhiker. There have been
only two other times that I have done something like this. In the first
instance I noticed a man walking in the cold carrying a gas can. I
remembered seeing a disabled car a mile or so back so I felt that it was
safe to pick the man up. In the second case I saw an elderly woman whose
truck had broken down along the side of the road and I had no fear of
picking her up.
However, this was a different case. This was a middle-aged man wearing
jeans and a t-shirt and he was not carrying a gas can and I had not seen
any disabled vehicles. I pulled to the side of the road and began to
back up. The man started jogging toward the car so as not to miss his
chance.
He was wearing worn out grey-black jeans and a grey t-shirt. The top of
his head was covered by a light covering of curly grey hair. There was a
reddish-grey goatee hanging from his chin and in his left ear was a
small diamond earring. His hands were dark with dirt or grime and his
tennis shoes worn to practically nothing. We exchanged greetings and I
slowly pulled my car back into traffic.
This man in my passenger seat stared straight ahead and didn’t say a
word. I was feeling rather nervous about this so I asked him if his
vehicle had broken down or if someone had forgotten to pick him up. He
turned and looked at me and said nothing for a moment. He then began to
tell me his life story. He began by telling me that when he was fourteen
he had killed a man. He killed the man just to watch him die. He then
spent five years in a detention center which hardened him against the
world. When he was released from the center, his life was a wreck. He
could no longer show his face in his hometown. He turned to drugs and
alcohol and a life of self-destruction. He hated himself and what he had
done and believed he was beyond forgiveness.
Years later he found himself back in his hometown with his wife and two
children. He came back when his father died and became very close to his
devout Catholic mother. Eventually he came back to the faith of his
youth and began to live again. However, he could never forgive himself
for what he had done. And many of the people in the town could not
forgive him either. In fact members of his own parish refused to shake
his hand during the “sign of peace”. He went to Confession often. He
spoke with many priests but he still could not forgive himself and in
fact he felt he was not worthy of that forgiveness. He truly believed
that God had forgiven him but he could not forgive himself.
One day a deacon in his parish invited him to help with the prison
ministry program. The deacon wanted him to tell his story and how Christ
had brought him peace and mercy. He agreed to give the talk but in his
heart he was uncomfortable because he still carried an unimaginable
burden and had yet to experience peace. Yet, he wanted to do whatever he
could to help those men in prison. He agreed to help and made plans to
spend a weekend at the prison.
On the first evening he was setting up a room with cookies for the
prisoners when another man entered the room to help him. They both
worked at their task making small talk when my hitchhiker noticed that
the other man had the same last name as the man he had killed when he
was a teenager. He felt flush and weak-kneed. He tried to push it out of
his mind but he couldn’t. That fateful day came rushing back to him. He
remembered the look on the man’s face as he fell to the floor. The
detention center and all of its filth filled his mind. For the next
twenty-four hours he could not shake either his memories or the thought
that the man on the prison ministry team may be related to the man he
had murdered.
On the next day of the retreat my passenger told the prisoners his life
story as he was now telling me. Some of the prisoners reacted positively
while others were indifferent. He could tell that many were there simply
because it was a chance for a change in routine.
Later that evening, while arranging cookies for the prisoners, he found
himself working with the man he had met the previous night. Once again
he felt flush. He couldn’t concentrate on the simple task of setting out
refreshments. His head began to spin as he approached the man and with
words that seemed to come from someone else he asked if was related to
the man he had killed. The man paused for a moment as if trying to catch
his breath. He replied that he was indeed related to the man and that
the man my hitchhiker had killed was his cousin.
In a tearful exchange with the man helping set out cookies, my passenger
confessed that he had murdered the man’s cousin. He then begged for
forgiveness. The two men sat down facing each other with tears streaming
down their faces. They looked deeply into the other’s eyes. The
hitchhiker cried out from the depths of his soul for forgiveness while
the other battled with the temptation to hate him. A long period of time
passed when finally the man stood in front of the other who was now my
passenger. A look of indescribable peace came over the man and he simply
said, “I forgive you.” The two men embraced and they both wept.
The very next day, which was the last day of the prison retreat, the
hitchhiker relayed the rest of the story to the inmates. He also told
them how the man he had met setting out cookies had tried for over a
year to get onto the ministry team but had not been able to help until
this particular weekend. He relayed to them the healing power of God in
its fullness and how no one is beyond the mercy of God. In the end there
was not a dry eye in the place. Leaders of the Arian Brotherhood and the
Black Panthers embraced and wept. Sworn enemies in that place of
concrete and steel forgave and asked for forgiveness. God’s mercy swept
over that room on the last day of the conference.
When my hitchhiker had finished his story we were both in tears. It was
difficult for me to drive. He turned to me and said that he hoped that I
wouldn’t think any less of him now that I knew this story. I turned to
him and told him that I didn’t think any less of him and that I still
considered him a close friend.
I ask the reader to forgive me if he or she feels led astray or
deceived, but the hitchhiker that I picked up has been and still is a
very close friend of mine. He is a fellow a parishioner and a wonderful
man. I have taught his children in the parish religious education
program and been involved with them in the youth group. I have helped
him build his house, work on Knights of Columbus projects, and pro-life
newsletters. However, I never knew about this part of his life. I never
knew of the burden that he carried day after day, a burden that many of
us could never imagine. So in that sense, I did pick up a stranger on
the road that day.
This man, I’ll call him Kenny, has now dedicated all his free time to
prison ministry. He not only visits prisons but churches as well. He
visits churches and relays the story of his life and the story of God’s
never ending mercy. He works very hard to raise awareness to the fact
that those men and women locked away in prison are still sons and
daughters of God. His ministry is to those who have all but been
forgotten, to those who are truly out of sight and out of mind. However,
his ministry is also to those of us on the outside. He ministers to us
by reminding us that we have a responsibility to care for those in
prison. (Matthew 25:36) He reminds us that even though the prisoners may
be guilty, and guilty of horrendous crimes, they still need the love and
mercy of Jesus Christ. They need to learn how to accept the mercy of God
and how to forgive themselves. His ministry also reminds us that even
though many of those men and women deserve to be in prison for life they
should still have the opportunity to choose Heaven.
Kenny’s story has given hope to prisoners without hope and has been the
source of a great awakening in the needs of prison ministry. I am
currently working on a book, in novel form, about his life and ministry
to be used in his ministry. Please pray for him and for this project
that it may bring healing and bring many souls to Christ.
9/25/06
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James M. Hahn is currently the Director of
Religious Education at St. Michael Catholic Church in Worthington, OH. He
and his wife reside in southeast OH. with their four children. Visit James
at