Homeschooling Surprises

One of the most profound lessons of the year 2000, our first year of homeschooling, was the fact that the things I worried about most had a way of never coming to pass. My biggest surprises ended up being unexpected stuff.

Okay…so maybe that fact continues to be a profound lesson…

But, back to my story, during June and July of that first year, I spent HOURS researching curriculum. It was during that uncertain time when I was confronted with my first surprise: even though I’d worried that there wouldn’t be any high school material available, the sheer number of programs I found gave me brain cramps!

Suddenly I was faced by an unexpected, almost overwhelming decision. Which curriculum should I choose? Which one was right? Which one was best? How could I know for sure?

After nearly making myself crazy, I finally placed an order…I’d got myself into such a frenzy that it was either make a decision or chicken out.

August rolled around sooner than I expected. Our books arrived, and I officially withdrew Adam and Joshua from the local ISD (we left Ryan in public school one more year.) In one of the bravest actions I’ve ever taken, I pretended I had a clue and we started that first day-- but inside I felt frightened beyond belief. Suddenly I realized that if the boys didn’t learn what they needed to know, that the “fault” now would lay at my feet.

About fifteen minutes into our first class I began to wonder, “what in the world did I get myself into?” I remember that thought being with me almost constantly throughout the first YEAR!

Through those -- ahem -- interesting first days, I clung to one piece of advice I read somewhere along the way, an article that suggested that if I was going to bring my kids home for their education, it should be all or nothing! I either needed to commit to homeschooling for a whole year or I didn’t need to attempt it at all. The author asserted it would take a full school term for things to begin to come together. I also remember the adamant statement that to express any doubts I might have in front of the children would undermine the whole thing.

At a time when I was terrible at keeping promises I made to myself, I solemnly vowed that I would give homeschooling a real chance.

My resolve was tested almost immediately. We had only been schooling a few days when I realized that my then-twelve-year-old son couldn’t read the sixth grade curriculum I ordered. Turns out that he couldn’t read the fifth grade curriculum I purchased the next week, either. Through trial and error, I finally came to grips with the fact that his reading level was, at best, halfway through the forth grade.

I was devastated. You see, about eight months before I had trustingly allowed the local public school to “mainstream” Joshua out of Resource (where he had been receiving special help in Language Arts) and into a regular class. They told me he was too “high level” to receive special help anymore.

With the unexpected realization that Joshua didn’t recognize words as simple as “among” and “along,” (two words that are stuck in my heart to this day), I was hit with another unexpected surprise. I’d identified the problem, but finding an answer was another story. It took me four months to figure out how my youngest child managed to convince a panel of five “experts” that he could read. It’s hard to explain the coping mechanism Joshua had developed, but suffice it to say that the level of intelligence it took to pull off that scam still amazes me!

As our first year of schooling at home wore on, I began to learn a great deal about my children. I also came face to face with myself. Although for most of my life I’ve considered myself a rebel, thumbing my nose at traditional methods of education was much more difficult than I thought it would be. I had spent twelve years in the same public school system I’d just taken my boys out of, so every notion I had about education was founded on that experience. Doubts about my worthiness, my abilities, plagued me. I could hear my detractors’ voices in my head…I wasn’t a teacher. I was just a mom!

In another surprise, I honestly admitted to myself that I didn’t know HOW to homeschool – so, to start with, we just did public school at home. In 20/20 hindsight I realize that I didn’t know what I thought we were SUPPOSED to be doing, but I’m grateful the Lord gave me the strength to put one foot in front of the other during that year’s journey!

I found myself learning (re-learning?), too. I’d forgotten grammar and punctuation; math was something I hadn’t attempted in nearly a quarter century and at times I deeply missed the “freedom from children” I’d once had during the hours my boys were in school. On almost a daily basis I wrestled with the nagging feeling that I didn’t have ANY of the traits it would take to teach my kids at home.

I began to learn more about my boys that I’d ever known before and found myself astonished that my two students could be so different! Adam would read nonstop to the exclusion of anything else…and Joshua felt like reading was a punishment. The older would whiz through his work so he could get it over with, the younger dawdled…it seemed to take Josh forever to get anything done. Neither of them wanted me to “help,” yet they expected me to give them answers.

Then came my next big surprise. One day I realized that much of the first curriculum I had purchased wasn’t working for either child. One of my worst fears had come true: I’d spent our precious, hard earned money on a curriculum that was a poor match for my family.

But surprise-number-next came almost immediately thereafter, and was perhaps the biggest (and best!) of all: there was nobody MAKING us use those books! In one of the most freeing decisions I’ve ever made, one December day Joshua and I stood beside the trashcan and ceremoniously threw away $60 worth of science books. Yup…we tossed it! The curriculum was so bad, so boring, that I didn’t even care to try to give the stuff away.

It was my first real decision as a homeschooling mom! After that I chose to change much of the material I’d purchased in the other subjects, too. We altered our focus and tried different learning experiences. Adam, then a freshman, put together a moving scale model of a car engine as part of one class. In place of that horrible science book, Joshua used “C” cell batteries and pieces of an old set of Christmas lights to “wire” a house made out of Legos.

I think what we did might actually be called unschooling, but whatever you call it, the commitment I’d made the summer before helped me get through that first year. Looking back, I know in my heart that it was a year well spent.

September 7, 2004 I began my fifth year as a homeschooling mom. I wish I could tell you that self-doubt has vanished, but, alas, it hasn’t. Sometimes I still give way to worry about whether I’m teaching the boys what they need to know. There are moments, especially at this time of year, when I still wonder if I’m doing the right thing. But once again I’ve made a commitment to another school term of educating my boys at home.

I’m happy to report that my periods of self-questioning are now less severe, though. I have more confidence in my ability to help my boys learn and I’m better at dealing with self-doubt. But most of all, the longer I teach my sons at home, the more assured I am that I’m doing what the Lord wants me to do.

In another surprise, I’m happy to report that I have learned more than my boys have! I wish I could share the smile I have on the inside as I assure you that “just a mom” CAN help her children learn what they need to know!

However, even after this many years, I’m still working on the one lesson I started this Zimmerer Tale with, the fact that things I fret most about usually don’t come to pass. Maybe, in some weird way, especially when things seem to be going well, peace and a job-well-done have a way of making me uncomfortable after so many years of waiting on whatever-is-going-to-go-wrong-next. However, because of the years I’ve spent helping the boys work through things they DON’T want to learn, I’ve finally figured out that I CAN learn how to guard my heart from worrying about what might wrong next.


Jackie



Copyright 2004 by Jackie Zimmerer