One day, not too long ago, I got an email from a dear
friend who was really struggling with homeschooling. Her
question/plea: "now tell me again WHY I'm doing this." Her next
statement, "I have no life", really made me think.
I know exactly how she feels. But I'm grateful to
admit that more often than not, lately I have a deep and abiding
grasp on why we educate our children at home.
So, I thought, what's changed?
It all boils down to one thing. I finally started
living the advice that a very wise priest gave me.
To make a long story short, in January of 2001, my
beloved hubbie and I were having some problems with one of our
sons. Truthfully, I went to see Father with one thing in mind. I
wanted him to "fix" our child.
Imagine my response when Father told us that our
son's problem would take care of itself...
...when we fixed ourselves.
Huh?
NOT what I wanted to hear. Several years later,
though, I can share with you that it WAS that simple. It wasn't easy,
yet somehow it was the most natural thing in the world. Hehehe... Exactly
what he said.
Go figure.
My first hurdle in this process: it took me a whole year
to figure out what Father meant. At the time, I believed that I WAS
fixed. I guess it'd be more accurate to say that it took me that year
to overcome my pride and fear. But my beloved child's very soul was at
stake...so I kept on.
To my delight, and the Lord's exaltation, Our
Lord has healed me in so many ways, one small thing at a time, and I'm
realizing that, in the process, I'm "fixing myself". Naw, let me
rephrase that, one decision at a time I'm letting God fix me. It's His
Grace, but I have to do the footwork.
Over a period of time I turned to the Sacraments for
help, especially Confession. With God's Help I've confessed many sins
that were...are...part of my daily existence... including sloth, poor
stewardship of the resources that I've been so graciously given, and
gluttony. Yup, laziness and gluttony are still sins.
Then the changes began ever so slowly. With each visit
to the Sacrament, I opened myself, leaving some of those undesired parts
of me at Christ's feet. Then as I made...make each little decision, my
life is starting to shine. Reconciliation is working it's mystery.
I try to keep Father Robert's words in my mind. The best
thing I can do to raise my children up in the manner that they should go
is to first make--and live--the choices that I'm asking of them myself.
There have been lots of other hurdles. Too many to write
about in this short space, but suffice it to say, confessing my sins and
iniquities hasn't been easy (or pleasant), but it's been worth it.
I can honestly share that what's changed most in my life
(most days anyway) is that by the Grace of God I'm not so
overwhelmed. We still homeschool because it's what we feel led to do,
but I'm getting better and better at accepting His help. My life IS
wound around school, outside activities and Church, but I have interests
that I pursue each day that are separate from my kids, even though
sometimes I can only squeeze in a few moments.
It's funny, though, that with God's help it's enough, one
small decision at a time.