--- title: Passing the Mother Test description: Passing the Mother Test --- [![catholic-mom-logo-v2](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/images/catholic-mom-logo-v2.svg "catholic-mom-logo-v2")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) [![search-icon](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/search-icon.svg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2012/10/19/passing-the-mother-test#) # Passing the Mother Test Oct 19, 2012 10:15:36 AM  |  by [Guest](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/guest) ![Passing the Mother Test](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Passing-the-Mother-Test.jpeg?width=265&height=300&name=Passing-the-Mother-Test.jpeg "Passing the Mother Test") Passing the Mother Test I first became a mother at the age of 38 when my husband and I became foster parents to three children under the age of five. Three frightened, angry, fragile kids who spent every waking minute – which, between them, constituted pretty much 24/7 that first year – thinking of creative ways to destroy the house and get on my last nerve. Admittedly, some days were better than others. The days I didn’t get a shower or a square meal – subsisting on goldfish crackers and leftover sips of juice boxes – happened more often than I care to think about, even ten years later. The days I spent scrubbing unmentionable substances off bathroom and even bedroom walls, muttering under my breath about the injustice of it all. Wondering whether I was crazy to think that I had it in me to *mother *these three rugrats. If motherhood was graded pass-fail, some days I most certainly did not pass muster. I knew, going in, that I was supposed to be changing these kids’ lives. Only gradually did I wake up to the fact that . . . these kids had been given the herculean task of changing *me.* I was going to have to pass the Mother Test. Now, this test is unlike any other test you will take in your lifetime. It’s not a pass-fail; neither is it based on a 100-point or sliding scale. Rather, it’s a cumulative score accumulated over the course of a lifetime . . . with the final grade revealed only in heaven. This doesn’t prevent any of us mothers from grading ourselves, sometimes mercilessly. That first year I remember standing in the shower, railing at the ceiling: “Holy Mother, if I don’t get two consecutive hours of sleep sometime in the next 3 days, I’m going to lose my mind. Please HELP me!” Sometimes I thought I heard a celestial chuckle. And yet, there was always the hope of a promise, too – a promise that we hear echoed in this week’s second reading. > “... Let us hold fast to our confession. > For we do not have a high priest > who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, > but one who has similarly been tested in every way, > yet without sin. > So let us confidently approach the throne of grace > to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help.”  Hebrews 4:15-16 Ten years later, now when I lie awake at night, it’s because of the quiet – my daughter is sleeping through the night most nights now, and my son … well, let’s just say that his absence keeps me awake at night far more often than his presence ever did. Sometimes I miss him so much, my arms ache for wanting to give him a hug. The testing continues. **What has been the hardest test for you so far?** ***Copyright 2012 Heidi Hess Saxton*** ### Share this article [![Share on Facebook](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/facebook-24x24.png)](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2012%2F10%2F19%2Fpassing-the-mother-test%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dfacebook) [![Share on Twitter](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/twitter-24x24.png)](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2012%2F10%2F19%2Fpassing-the-mother-test%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2012%2F10%2F19%2Fpassing-the-mother-test%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&source=tweetbutton&text=Passing%20the%20Mother%20Test) [![Share on Email](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/email-24x24.png)](mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2012%2F10%2F19%2Fpassing-the-mother-test%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail%20&body=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2012%2F10%2F19%2Fpassing-the-mother-test%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail) ** #### About the Author ![Guest](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/Profile%203.jpg) ### [Guest](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/guest) We welcome guest contributors who graciously volunteer their writing for our readers. 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