More young women are substituting dog ownership for motherhood, according to the New York Post.

Really? I just hope Fifi is wearing a diaper.

I have to admit that I can see the draw as owning dogs is easier than raising kids.  For the most part, canines are easy to please, are good for home security, and they’re cute.

But you know what dogs do do (pun intended) a lot of?  Poop.   And I just can’t get past that.

Even if the dog is small, it’s still…consistent at doing it’s business, if you know what I mean.  You can keep it in a purse, stroll it in a stroller, dress it up all Beverly Hills Chihuahua style, keep it immaculately groomed; at least two times a day that dog is still going to have to squat somewhere. Therein lies the biggest call of duty (again, pun intended) as a responsible dog owner.

I don’t know.  Maybe it's too hard for me to envision that picking up that many feces for something that doesn't eventually grow up to think, speak, and self clean.

In the Post’s article, one young woman explained that she preferred owning dogs to having children because she didn't need a babysitter if she wanted go out.

Well I certainly sympathize with her because, as the burdens of parenting go, it really is such a chore to have to use one's finger tip to tap a saved contact’s number in your smart phone.  Come on, do we, the people-breeders, think that doggie-parents are trying to compete in the index-finger Olympics or something?  We’re just gong to have to accept that it’s just one tap too many for them in a post-Flappy Bird app world.

But what I really don't understand about the whole dog-as-child-replacement thing, is that that even if accessory pups are less burdensome and require less all encompassing commitment that children do, owners still need to provide exercise, a balanced diet, hydration, opportunities for socialization, baths,  a clean place to sleep, clean bowls, check ups at the veterinarian, physical touch, obedience training, yearly licensing, toys etc.

On top of all of that is the daily scooping of poop thing.

As a mom who has changed lots and lots of poopey diapers, daily at times, I'm consoled by the knowledge that one day the kids do eventually learn how to take care of their business on their own.

Dogs: not so much.  Picking that smelly stuff up with my hand?  With a plastic baggy? With a shovel and scoop? As long as pooch shall live?  No thanks, I’ll stick with kids as my accessories and one day no-poopey-scooping-needed status symbols.

Or I'll just buy a dog when the kids are old enough to help me look after them and operate a scooper.

Why do you think that young women are substituting dogs for kids?

Copyright 2014 Marissa Nichols