--- title: Dirty Dishes and Perfect Charity description: Erin Franco writes about learning to imitate Christ's perfect charity in those moments when we are disappointed in what others offer us, or don't offer us. --- [![catholic-mom-logo-v2](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/images/catholic-mom-logo-v2.svg "catholic-mom-logo-v2")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) [![search-icon](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/search-icon.svg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2015/03/11/dirty-dishes-and-perfect-charity#) # Dirty Dishes and Perfect Charity Mar 11, 2015 6:00:32 PM  |  by [Guest](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/guest) [![2015-03-06 09.26.00](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/2015-03-06-09_26_00-225x400.jpg?width=225&height=400&name=2015-03-06-09_26_00-225x400.jpg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/2015-03-06-09_26_00.jpg)A few months ago, I walked into the kitchen after finally getting the kids in bed, and I burst into tears. I was exhausted after a long day and the marathon that is bedtime in our house. We had had people over for dinner, and someone had kindly offered to do the dishes for me while I put the kids to bed. When I walked into the kitchen, it took me about four seconds to realize that this person's idea of "doing the dishes" was substantially different from mine. Without going into details, I'll just say that I had expected to walk into a kitchen that was clean and ready for the work of the next day, but there were still quite a few very basic things I was going to have to do. What I had *hoped *that person was going to do for me was very different than what they had actually done for me. And in my weakness and my tiredness, I let it break my heart a little. It is hard to feel thankful for something given to you that is less than you would give. Really, it becomes a choice to love in the end. Even though I now understand the person's reasoning and actions in the situation, in that moment I struggled a lot with feelings of hurt. When I "do the dishes" for somebody, I try to do an over-and-above *great *job. I know what a blessing it is to relieve somebody of this grueling daily work, and I realize that it is a real help to start the next day with a clean kitchen. I am the kind of person who leaves that kitchen *sparkling. *As in, I wipe out your microwave and scrub off the high chair and arrange the hand soap and little statue of Mary behind your sink just-so kind of *sparkling*. In marriage, parenting, and really all of the relationships in our lives, it hurts when others don't give as much as we would give. It breaks our hearts more in some situations than in others. **But in all of those moments of being disappointed in what others offer us or don't offer us, we have an opportunity to imitate Christ.** We can choose to respond with  the kind of perfect charity that Christ shows us in [John 21](http://www.usccb.org/bible/john/21) when He asks Peter three times, "Do you love me?" Each time that Jesus asks Peter "Do you love me?" in this passage, Jesus uses the Greek word ***agape** *for "love*." *Each time that Peter responds to Jesus with, "Yes, Lord, you know I love you," Peter uses the Greek word ***philia** *for "love." *Philia* means the love between friends. *Agape *love, however, is something much deeper. In *agape *love, you give all of yourself away. As [Dr. Peter Kreeft](http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/love.htm) so beautifully puts it in his book, ["Fundamentals of the Faith"](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/089870202X/theofficiapet-20): > "[*Agape* love is when] you put yourself in your own hands and hand it over to another. And when you do this unthinkable thing, another unthinkable thing happens: you find yourself in losing yourself...You find that a new and more real self has somehow been given to you." Jesus and Peter's differing use of *agape *and *philia *love in their exchange is significant, because it shows that **Christ accepted the love Peter was able to offer him at that time--even though it was less than what He desired and what *He *was offering. Maybe even more important to remember: Christ loved Peter no less because Peter couldn't give Him *agape *love yet.** It is powerful to think about the fact that Peter ended up being crucified upside-down. Right after the "Do you love me?" passage, Jesus foretells "by what kind of death [Peter] will glorify God." And He tells Peter that, "when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands..." With his arms spread wide on the cross of his crucifixion, Peter truly and also symbolically gave *everything *to Christ by the end of his life. Christ's perfect charity *changed *Peter. Christ seeing intentionally through Peter's weakness *changed *Peter. Just like Christ's love eventually got through to Peter, we can live in the hope that Christ's love in us may eventually touch the hearts of those around us. Christ wants our all. He wants our *agape *love. **But He loves us where we are. He takes what we offer Him with perfect charity. And that is what we are called to imitate.** Imitating that kind of love seems impossible. But practice makes perfect, right? I am starting to learn how to be glad when I have a few extra dirty dishes to do once in a while. *Copyright 2015, Erin Franco* *Photo copyright 2015, Erin Franco. 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