--- title: "Hazelnuts in the Drawer: St. Zelie’s Method for Helping a Child Overcome a Bad Mood" description: "Meg Matenaer is surprised by St. Zelie Martin's simple but counter-cultural parenting advice for how to help a child overcome a bad mood in \"A Call to a Deeper Love.\"" --- [![catholic-mom-logo-v2](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/images/catholic-mom-logo-v2.svg "catholic-mom-logo-v2")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) [![search-icon](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/search-icon.svg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2016/04/04/hazelnuts-drawer-st-zelies-method-helping-child-overcome-bad-mood#) # Hazelnuts in the Drawer: St. Zelie’s Method for Helping a Child Overcome a Bad Mood Apr 4, 2016 9:30:50 AM  |  by [Guest](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/guest) ![call-to-deeper-love-cover](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/call-to-deeper-love-cover.jpg?width=300&height=300&name=call-to-deeper-love-cover.jpg)I came across some parenting wisdom that was both simple and surprising in a letter from St. Zelie Martin to her teenaged daughter Pauline in **[*A Call to a Deeper Love: The Family Correspondence of the Parents of Saint Therese of the Child Jesus 1863-1885*](http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/B007XHIVPO/catholicmom)**. Talking about Pauline’s younger sister Leonie, St. Zelie writes, > “Yesterday she had an awful day. At noon I told her to make some sacrifices to conquer her bad mood, and that, for each victory, she should put a hazelnut in a drawer I pointed out to her, and we would count them that evening” (p.275). It took me a little while to think through what was surprising to me about St. Zelie’s method, but then it came to me: St. Zelie recognized that bad moods (ordinary, of course, not clinical) are often caused by our own sinful will and that only the child himself can correct that through conquering his will by self-sacrifice. We know that’s true in our own lives. Happiness isn't the result of the free exercise of our will but the free exercise of our will to do what’s right: God’s will. A quick internet search on helping a child overcome a bad mood revealed that St. Zelie’s advice runs counter to what current childhood websites offer for solutions: making sure the child isn’t overtired, hungry, over-scheduled, helping the parent understand that hormones are a difficult thing to manage, etc. In other words, these websites presented plenty of ways to help soothe a child’s body and lots of excuses for a child’s bad behavior, but offered nothing in way of correcting what most likely was the cause: a selfish will, which is a spiritual problem. We’re often inundated with the messages that if children only have the right environment, the right school, and the right experiences, they’ll turn out just fine. But we’ve been collectively forgetting that children are more than just bodies, they’re souls, too, and unlike plants, they need more than just the right atmosphere in order to flourish. Good behavior—virtue—is a result of the gradual conforming of our will to God’s. Whether it’s our own bad mood that needs taming or our child’s, St. Zelie helps us remember that nothing beats a little self-sacrifice to help bring back the sunshine. **Buy this book through our [Amazon link](http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/B007XHIVPO/catholicmom) and support CatholicMom.com with your purchase!** **Be sure to check out our [Book Notes archive](http://catholicmom.com/category/book-notes/).** *Copyright 2016 Meg Matenaer* ### Share this article [![Share on Facebook](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/facebook-24x24.png)](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F04%2F04%2Fhazelnuts-drawer-st-zelies-method-helping-child-overcome-bad-mood%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dfacebook) [![Share on Twitter](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/twitter-24x24.png)](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F04%2F04%2Fhazelnuts-drawer-st-zelies-method-helping-child-overcome-bad-mood%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F04%2F04%2Fhazelnuts-drawer-st-zelies-method-helping-child-overcome-bad-mood%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&source=tweetbutton&text=Hazelnuts%20in%20the%20Drawer%3A%20St.%20Zelie%E2%80%99s%20Method%20for%20Helping%20a%20Child%20Overcome%20a%20Bad%20Mood) [![Share on Email](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/email-24x24.png)](mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F04%2F04%2Fhazelnuts-drawer-st-zelies-method-helping-child-overcome-bad-mood%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail%20&body=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F04%2F04%2Fhazelnuts-drawer-st-zelies-method-helping-child-overcome-bad-mood%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail) ** #### About the Author ![Guest](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/Profile%203.jpg) ### [Guest](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/guest) We welcome guest contributors who graciously volunteer their writing for our readers. Please support our guest writers by visiting their sites, purchasing their work, and leaving comments to thank them for sharing their gifts here on CatholicMom.com. To inquire about serving as a guest contributor, contact editor@CatholicMom.com. ## Related Blog Articles [ Lessons from Zelie Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2015/09/28/lessons-from-zelie) [ Blessed Zelie Martin: An Inspiration for Us All Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2014/01/08/blessed-zelie-martin-an-inspiration-for-us-all) [ 4 Tips for Effective Mothering from Blessed Zelie Martin Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2011/10/12/4-tips-for-effective-mothering-from-blessed-zelie-martin) ## Comments ## Donate now [![Support Catholic Mom](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545) [![CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png?width=1806&height=731&name=CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png "CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) ##### Subscribe to Catholic Momcast on iTunes or Spotify [![itunes-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/itunes-logo-black.svg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/catholic-momcast/id1362352357)[![spotify-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/spotify-logo-black.svg)](https://open.spotify.com/show/15CoipHL7z61IDcYErV0b8?si=hqaQJSxDQgq7S1hxCwsoxQ) ##### CatholicMom on Social Networks [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) ##### About Catholic Mom [Who We Are](https://www.catholicmom.com/about-us) [Contact Us](https://www.catholicmom.com/contact) [Support CatholicMom.com](https://www.catholicmom.com/support-us)   ##### Associated Links [Holy Cross Family Ministries](https://www.hcfm.org/) [Family Rosary](https://www.familyrosary.org/) [Family Theater Productions](https://www.familytheater.org/) [Congregation of the Holy Cross](https://www.holycrossusa.org/) [Father Patrick Peyton, C.S.C.](https://www.fatherpeyton.org/) [The Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life](https://www.peytonfamilyinstitute.org/) ### **Stay connected!** Don’t miss a thing! 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