--- title: "Living a Holy Sexuality Through the Theology of the Body #TOBtalk" description: Taking the four components of God’s love for us (free, total, faithful, fruitful) and comparing them to marital love, Ellen Gable Hrkach shows how we can discover how to live the sacrament of matrimon --- [![catholic-mom-logo-v2](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/images/catholic-mom-logo-v2.svg "catholic-mom-logo-v2")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) [![search-icon](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/search-icon.svg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2016/05/10/living-holy-sexuality-theology-body-tobtalk#) # Living a Holy Sexuality Through the Theology of the Body #TOBtalk May 10, 2016 3:00:42 PM  |  by [Ellen Gable Hrkach](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/ellen-gable-hrkach) ![photo credit: Josh Hrkach](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Sky-and-clouds-550x365.jpg?width=800&height=531&name=Sky-and-clouds-550x365.jpg) photo credit: Josh Hrkach Marriage is a holy vocation that leads to the creation of life and family, but it is also a way for spouses to attain holiness. Taking the four components of God’s love for us (Free, total, faithful, fruitful) and comparing them to marital love, we can discover how we can live the sacrament of matrimony as a vocation in the most free, total, faithful and fruitful way, the ultimate expression of not only God’s love for us, but our love for our spouses. We can discover how we can best express and preserve our marital unity as well as helping our spouse get to heaven. ### **Free** We need to be able to give our love **freely** to our spouse. If we ask for conditions, like... I’ll love you IF, then that’s not love. If we force our spouse to do something, that’s not love. If we cannot control our passions, if we cannot say no to our sexual urges, then we are not free. If we cannot say no, our yes means nothing. [Tweet "If we cannot say no, our yes means nothing. #TOBtalk"] ### **Total** The love for our spouse must be **total**. We can’t say, “Well, I’ll give you everything, honey, except for my arm or except for my leg." Everything means everything. Total means total. In the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1643, it says: “Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all of the elements of the person enter – appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal characteristics of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance, which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values.”  **Sex is holy**, but the world doesn’t see it that way. ### **Faithful** We must be **faithful** to our spouse. Obviously, we must only have sexual intercourse with our spouse and no other. However, adultery is not the only way we can be unfaithful to our spouse. Indulging in fantasies, pornography of any kind and flirting all offend the sixth commandment. If we want to be truly faithful to our spouse, we must be faithful in word, action, and thought. ### **Fruitful** We must allow relations with our spouse to be **fruitful** – to be open to children – each and every time we have sex, whether or not we are planning a child. That doesn’t mean that we will conceive a child with every marital embrace. It also doesn’t mean that we must *try* to get pregnant each and every time we have relations. It just means that we need to be open. [Natural Family Planning](http://catholicmom.com/2010/09/30/natural-family-planning-nfp-q-a-by-ellen-gable-hrkach/) allows a couple to avoid pregnancy and still be open to the possibility of pregnancy. Artificial contraception, in fact, **destroys all four of the essential components** (free, total, faithful, fruitful). Birth control violates not only God’s plan (because it does not image God’s fruitfulness) but it also destroys a couple’s marital unity, encourages an “I can’t say no” mentality to sex. When a device, medication is used or an operation has taken place to purposefully remove fertility permanently, a couple cannot give themselves totally, no matter how much they love each other. (This** does not** include couples who have regretted and repented, nor does this include couples who are infertile or post-menopausal). How can a married couple live a holy sexuality if they have a serious need to avoid pregnancy? [Natural Family Planning](http://catholicmom.com/2010/09/30/natural-family-planning-nfp-q-a-by-ellen-gable-hrkach/) is safe, effective and allows us to live our marital sexuality in the most free, total, faithful and fruitful way. And in this day and age, a couple need not leave the comfort of their homes to learn. Many NFP organizations offer live online classes with certified teachers. Living a holy sexuality through the Theology of the Body is not always easy. But I can say from experience that it is most definitely worth it. For more information on Natural Family Planning: [Couple to Couple League](https://ccli.org/) [Billings Ovulation Method](http://billings.life/en/) [Creighton Method](http://www.creightonmodel.com/) *Copyright 2016 Ellen Gable Hrkach* ### Share this article [![Share on Facebook](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/facebook-24x24.png)](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F05%2F10%2Fliving-holy-sexuality-theology-body-tobtalk%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dfacebook) [![Share on Twitter](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/twitter-24x24.png)](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F05%2F10%2Fliving-holy-sexuality-theology-body-tobtalk%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F05%2F10%2Fliving-holy-sexuality-theology-body-tobtalk%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&source=tweetbutton&text=Living%20a%20Holy%20Sexuality%20Through%20the%20Theology%20of%20the%20Body%20%23TOBtalk) [![Share on Email](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/email-24x24.png)](mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F05%2F10%2Fliving-holy-sexuality-theology-body-tobtalk%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail%20&body=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2016%2F05%2F10%2Fliving-holy-sexuality-theology-body-tobtalk%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail) ** #### About the Author ![Ellen Gable Hrkach](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/Contriubutors/ELLEN%20GABLE%20HRKACH.jpeg) ### [Ellen Gable Hrkach](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/ellen-gable-hrkach) Ellen Gable Hrkach and her husband, James, have been certified NFP teachers since 1984. Ellen is also an award-winning, bestselling author of 13 books, an editor, publisher, and self-publishing book coach. Her newest book is Life From the Bottom Shelf. The mother of five adult sons and grandmother of three precious grandchildren, Ellen lives in Pakenham, Ontario with her husband. Contact her at [Full Quiver Publishing](https://www.fullquiverpublishing.com/). [**](https://facebook.com/ellengable) [**](https://twitter.com/ellengable) ## Related Blog Articles [ Children: A Living Reflection Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2015/08/19/children-a-living-reflection) [ God’s Plan for A Joy-Filled Marriage Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2014/05/21/gods-plan-for-a-joy-filled-marriage) [ The Holy Rosary - Prayers of Love Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2011/10/15/the-holy-rosary-prayers-of-love) ## Comments ## Donate now [![Support Catholic Mom](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545) [![CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png?width=1806&height=731&name=CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png "CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) ##### Subscribe to Catholic Momcast on iTunes or Spotify [![itunes-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/itunes-logo-black.svg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/catholic-momcast/id1362352357)[![spotify-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/spotify-logo-black.svg)](https://open.spotify.com/show/15CoipHL7z61IDcYErV0b8?si=hqaQJSxDQgq7S1hxCwsoxQ) ##### CatholicMom on Social Networks [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) ##### About Catholic Mom [Who We Are](https://www.catholicmom.com/about-us) [Contact Us](https://www.catholicmom.com/contact) [Support CatholicMom.com](https://www.catholicmom.com/support-us)   ##### Associated Links [Holy Cross Family Ministries](https://www.hcfm.org/) [Family Rosary](https://www.familyrosary.org/) [Family Theater Productions](https://www.familytheater.org/) [Congregation of the Holy Cross](https://www.holycrossusa.org/) [Father Patrick Peyton, C.S.C.](https://www.fatherpeyton.org/) [The Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life](https://www.peytonfamilyinstitute.org/) ### **Stay connected!** Don’t miss a thing! Sign up to receive our free daily digest email. Copyright © 2026 CatholicMom.com. All Rights Reserved.