Today's Gospel: Luke 9, 18-24 - Twelfth Sunday in Ordinary Time
"But who do you say that I am?"
I close my eyes as my heart answers your question posed to me, my king, anointed with the oil of suffering and sorrow. You are my king who with tears in your eyes watched as the cross of child loss was fastened to my shoulders. You are my king who knew I would fall, so you fell first, to show me that I would choke on my own tears and not be able to breathe for pain, but that I would get up. You are my king who revealed the Father's broken heart as he grieved for you as you hung on your cross.
You are my suffering king who slides his shoulder under my cross of grief and chides me not for my tears, but humbles himself to walk as slowly as I do. You are my suffering king who coaxes me to allow a Simon of Cyrene to bear the cross with me when I despair. You are my king who gently whispers, "We only have to take the next step." You are my merciful king.
At first it seems unfathomable that Jesus catches our gaze and asks each of us, personally,"who do you say that I am?" In the quiet of your heart, or in the inconsolable storm of your heart, what would you say to Jesus?
Merciful king, help me to remember that when I feel abandoned and broken, when all is dark, you are there, holding me close. Remind me that you do not despise me unbelieving and despairing, that it is then that you hide me in your heart.
Copyright 2016 Terri Jackson
Terri Jackson is a writer, wife, and mother of two sons. Her oldest son, Justin, was killed in a vehicle accident on September 27, 2010. Terri and her husband, Doug, have been married for over thirty years. Her blog tells the story of their struggles, tears, and the joy of learning to live again after the unthinkable happens.