If You Want Your Kids to be Close

Image credit: By Annie Spratt (2015), Unsplash.com, CC0/PD[/caption] If parents could make a wish that comes true, what would they ask for? My guess is the majority would come up with, “For my children to be happy.” And if I had to take another stab, I imagine they would hope for their kids to grow up as good friends. After all, isn’t it the natural instinct of parenthood to want your kids to be happy and love each other? Raising your kids to be close. Seems like it should be simple, right? After all, you’re family! But when you’re faced with a sibling meltdown, competition gone wrong, or even an all-out-fight, a lifetime of best-friendship can seem unattainable. Growing up, my family was one of the lucky ones. My three siblings and I spent our childhoods wanting to do everything together. And I mean everything. Of course, we had the occasional spat, which is perfectly normal. But as a whole, we were a close-knit bunch. Flash forward 20 years and every one of us is still each other’s go-to for advice, consolation, or even just a good laugh. Having such a close sibling bond in today’s world, we got all the questions. “So, you all actually like each other?” “You mean, you really are friends?” “How do you not fight like crazy?” “What did your parents do right?” It’s true. You don’t see a whole lot of close sibling friendships anymore. And as I begin to start my own life with my new husband, I decided to take a good hard look and ask myself, “What DID my parents do right?” As I looked back at the way they raised us, more than a few things stood out. And the good news? They are so simple, any family could implement them.

If you want your kids to be close, tell them! Easily the simplest but most underrated concept. Growing up, my parents’ motto was, “Your siblings are your best friends.” We probably heard it 1,000 times throughout our childhood. Like anything, if you say something enough, people eventually believe it! Whenever I lost a friendship or felt lonely, they would remind me that I was never really alone. “You always have your siblings, and your siblings are your best friends.” Your children have a lifelong gift of built-in friendships with each other. So tell them!

Speak positively of their relationship. How many times have we overheard parents say, “Why can’t you get along with each other? You’re always fighting!” or something of the sort? Even if that might feel true, don’t say it! If you label your kids’ relationship negatively, they’ll buy into it. Instead, flip the narrative! Come at it from a place of assuming good. My parents would say, “You two are good buddies! But right now, you’re not acting like it. Why don’t you go back to your normal kind selves?”

Prioritize time for sibling bonding. When we were kids, our parents prioritized time with each other over anything. Don’t get me wrong — there’s nothing wrong with other friendships. The occasional play date with neighbors is a good thing. But, like all friendships, you don’t get there unless you spend time together! So, if your kids are bouncing between friends’ houses more than their own, don’t expect siblings to be joined at the hip. Do them a favor by providing and promoting sibling opportunities. Set a goal of spending just as much, if not more, time between siblings as friends. If they want to try a restaurant, go as a family. If they’d like to see a movie, suggest going as siblings. You can’t overestimate the power of quality time.

Travel together as a family. Whether it’s to a nearby lake or all the way across the country, family vacations are one of the easiest ways to bring siblings together. There’s nothing like sharing experiences, memories, a hammock, or even a bed! And while the temptation to travel with other families or even just as adults is strong in today’s culture, a good old-fashioned road trip with just your family is irreplaceable. Again, it doesn’t mean fostering friendships with those outside your family is bad! But your family is first and foremost a unit in itself and that’s a gift. Take advantage of it.

Be cautious of extracurriculars. The world today is full of opportunities for kids, more than ever before. While parents should encourage the gifts and talents in their kids, beware the danger of busyness. Busyness may be promoted as a pathway to success in the modern world. But busyness can also steal your peace. And a house without peace is no environment for siblings to become friends. Do your best to ensure your kids have quiet peaceful time at home, all together. One controversial yet potential threat to that? Intensive travel sports. If sports are coming at the expense of family dinners and Sunday Masses, are they really worth it in the long run? Protect the precious time of your kids’ youth. They’ll be thankful when they’re older and closer because of it.