--- title: Growing Pains description: Rose Folsom looked no further than her family to learn how suffering can build up the Kingdom — or hinder it. image: https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/2020-0304-RFolsom_March2020.jpg --- [![catholic-mom-logo-v2](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/images/catholic-mom-logo-v2.svg "catholic-mom-logo-v2")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) [![search-icon](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/search-icon.svg)](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2020/03/04/growing-pains/#) # Growing Pains Mar 4, 2020 4:30:20 PM  |  by [Rose Folsom](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/rose-folsom) ![featured image](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/2020-0304-RFolsom_March2020.jpg) !["Growing pains" by Rose Folsom (CatholicMom.com)](http://catholicmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/2020-0304-RFolsom_March2020.jpg) Image credit: [DepositPhotos.com. Licensed by author.](https://depositphotos.com/188928234/stock-photo-plant-in-hands-ecology-concept.html)[/caption] The French author Colette wrote, “I was changing — slowly if you like, but what the matter? To change is the great thing.” Changing for the better involves the discomfort of loss and of not quite knowing what comes next. And change usually happens slowly — awareness of a better way to think and act comes to us over time. Changing habits is the work of a lifetime. It takes patience and perseverance. ### Two kinds of suffering** ** If change is uncomfortable, we need to be sure that our discomfort is leading somewhere good. There’s the “false cross” that we take upon ourselves to get the pity of others and the “true cross” that unites with Christ in a joy that is deeper than the pain. St. Paul writes of this: > For godly sorrow produces a salutary repentance without regret, but worldly sorrow produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:10) ### Worldly suffering** ** My father’s mother, Helen, was a wonderful, hard-working woman. She taught me what water temperature was best for the African violets on her windowsills. She put up with hours of my childhood piano practice. But she would occasionally succumb to a self-appointed “martyr” role — a suffering that did not build her up, lead to greater freedom, or improve her relationships. She’d drop her shoulders, get sad-eyed, and sigh before reluctantly agreeing to something. It just made other people feel bad. ### Heavenly suffering** ** My other grandmother, Rose, would look up to heaven when a pan of cookies burned and have a joke with God, asking, “Aren’t I humble enough already?” She suffered at the early loss of her husband, physical ailments, and financial hardship, yet treated her grandchildren’s constant requests for her help as joyful opportunities to show us her love — and always with a big smile. She had made a decision to allow her suffering to be of the constructive — the purifying — kind. Her sacrifices brought her closer to God’s love instead of farther from it. And they brought her closer to the people she loved, rather than isolating her in her misery. **Constructive loss ** Our pride rebels against giving up resentments and hurts. We need God to help us do it. This is on my mind especially because just recently, God has given me the gift of forgiving a hurt I had clung to for decades. Change came slowly over many years. But I’m now able to give up “worldly” suffering over it. It’s vividly clear that I did not obtain this freedom by myself. But I did finally allow God to do his healing work in me. I exchanged the “poor me” attitude of one grandmother for the “make me more like you, Lord” attitude of the other. The first sees human suffering as the last word. The second sees suffering as redemptive — united, in love, with the sufferings Jesus endured for us. **Joyful suffering ** In John 15:15, Jesus calls us His friends. Friends want to be with each other. Can we really call ourselves His friends if we’re not willing to be with Him on the Cross when He calls us near? Giving up part of my “poor me” identity was painful (perverse as that part was). But it was a constructive loss — the kind that leads to the lasting joy and freedom that Jesus won for us all on Calvary. --- *Copyright 2020 Rose Folsom* ### Share this article [![Share on Facebook](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/facebook-24x24.png)](http://www.facebook.com/share.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2020%2F03%2F04%2Fgrowing-pains%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dfacebook) [![Share on Twitter](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/twitter-24x24.png)](https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?original_referer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2020%2F03%2F04%2Fgrowing-pains%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2020%2F03%2F04%2Fgrowing-pains%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Dtwitter&source=tweetbutton&text=Growing%20Pains) [![Share on Email](https://static.hubspot.com/final/img/common/icons/social/email-24x24.png)](mailto:?subject=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2020%2F03%2F04%2Fgrowing-pains%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail%20&body=Check%20out%20https%3A%2F%2Fwww.catholicmom.com%2Farticles%2F2020%2F03%2F04%2Fgrowing-pains%2F%3Futm_medium%3Dsocial%26utm_source%3Demail) ** #### About the Author ![Rose Folsom](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/Contriubutors/ROSE%20FOLSOM.jpeg) ### [Rose Folsom](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/author/rose-folsom) Rose is a convert and Lay Dominican whose background as solopreneur and supervisor makes her passionate about helping professionals live virtues like humility and perseverance so they can ditch imposter syndrome and perfectionism while fully living their faith at work. Grab Rose's latest tips for growing in virtue at [VirtueConnection.com](https://virtueconnection.com). ## Related Blog Articles [ Big Faith in Small Packages Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/2020/02/05/big-faith-in-small-packages/) [ Pockets of Grief Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/pockets-of-grief) [ When It's Hard to Get Into Lent Read ](https://www.catholicmom.com/articles/when-its-hard-to-get-into-lent) ## Comments ## Donate now [![Support Catholic Mom](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/275132/10016573-1c5c-4aa5-baba-c2ac91fe7545) [![CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)](https://www.catholicmom.com/hs-fs/hubfs/CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png?width=1806&height=731&name=CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c%20(002).png "CatholicMom_hcfm_logo1_pos_871c_2728c (002)")](https://www.catholicmom.com/) ##### Subscribe to Catholic Momcast on iTunes or Spotify [![itunes-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/itunes-logo-black.svg)](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/catholic-momcast/id1362352357)[![spotify-logo-black](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/logos/spotify-logo-black.svg)](https://open.spotify.com/show/15CoipHL7z61IDcYErV0b8?si=hqaQJSxDQgq7S1hxCwsoxQ) ##### CatholicMom on Social Networks [![facebook](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-facebook.svg)](http://www.facebook.com/CatholicMomCommunity) [![twitter](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-twitter.svg)](http://twitter.com/CatholicMomCom) [![instagram](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-instagram.svg)](http://instagram.com/catholicmomcommunity) [![youtube](https://www.catholicmom.com/hubfs/_catholicmom/icons/social-icon-youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUqHCVPDzyMgSMaMZxxug?view_as=subscriber) ##### About Catholic Mom [Who We Are](https://www.catholicmom.com/about-us) [Contact Us](https://www.catholicmom.com/contact) [Support CatholicMom.com](https://www.catholicmom.com/support-us)   ##### Associated Links [Holy Cross Family Ministries](https://www.hcfm.org/) [Family Rosary](https://www.familyrosary.org/) [Family Theater Productions](https://www.familytheater.org/) [Congregation of the Holy Cross](https://www.holycrossusa.org/) [Father Patrick Peyton, C.S.C.](https://www.fatherpeyton.org/) [The Peyton Institute for Domestic Church Life](https://www.peytonfamilyinstitute.org/) ### **Stay connected!** Don’t miss a thing! 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