6 Stages of Faith in Grieving

Johanna Stamps describes a framework for spiritual development that takes place as we heal from loss.

A time of great loss brought me — face down — in the ashes of my former life. It felt like the end. Prayers kept grumbling out of my mouth through gritted teeth, “Why, why why?” Is it any wonder that those prayers sound like the cries of a little child? I loved the life I had just a year prior. I was living surrounded by friends and beauty. Now, I was walking through the beginnings of a divorce, pregnant, and back in a country I didn’t plan to ever call home again.  

I had been blindsided by life. I want to say that God was my first call and my strength during those early days, but He wasn’t. I was doing all the heavy lifting alone, and I just kept falling. At that time, if someone were to have told me, “You need Jesus,” I may have lost my faith forever. Instead, there was this nagging inside of myself that kept saying, there has to be something more.  

This is where people usually connect with me. They are deeply grieving, and they want to do it differently than the rest of the world. After walking this path with so many people over the years, I’ve seen a pattern that I first saw in myself. Perhaps, we can call them the 6 Stages of Faith In Grieving. While there are plenty of frameworks for spiritual development, this one is unique because of being viewed through the lens of loss.

6 Stages of Faith in Grieving

Desire God and choose intentionally 

Making a choice to live intentionally is like giving yourself a superhero strength. Living intentionally and putting God at the center of your life is like adding a dose of steroids to that strength.  

Most of the time, when people have been battling through grief, they are exhausted. They have been pushing through the darkest season of life, most of the time feeling all of the weight on their shoulders. There is a sigh in their voice when they say, “I just want to have a better relationship with God.” It’s a moment of relief that welcomes an eternal strength.  

What might come alive for you spiritually as you choose to walk forward intentionally? 

Feel God’s presence and love 

While some can feel God’s presence while washing dishes or doing laundry, this can often be a struggle for someone tumbling through a season of darkness. This relationship needs a jumper cable or a shortcut.  

The question I ask people is the same I ask you to reflect on below: Where do you naturally feel God’s love and presence? The answers are as varied as the individual — anything from a childhood baseball field to a surfboard on the backline. Putting yourself in that place with intentionality can be a powerful catalyst forward. 

Where do you feel God’s presence most naturally?  

Connect with God’s Word 

This may feel out of order, but in the rawness of grief when we are running in the opposite direction, sitting down with Scripture can feel like a weighty task until you are sitting in God’s loving gaze.  

What piece of Scripture is etched on in your mind as you read this right now?  

Experience gratitude for everything … even suffering (yes, I said that) 

This point is exactly why I allow clients to walk this journey as an individual. When I speak publicly about grief, some of our most vibrant conversations are about the downright stupid things people say to those who are grieving. Saying, “Be thankful for your loss,” or “Everything happens for a reason,” is a quick way to lose a friend.  

Yet, this is a transformational step of expressing gratitude is one that many people look back on as a turning point. This is one of those pivotal moments that change the way someone views the world for the rest of their life. It is absolutely mysterious how and when it might happen.  

What would gratitude in your suffering transform in your life? How would expressing that thankfulness look? 

Exercise trust in God and surrender everything 

Can we trust God after everything we’ve loved has been taken away? While these two could be separate, they often happen simultaneously. If this experience had words, it would sound something like this:  

“Jesus, I thank you. I can’t do this/anything alone.”  

What is one thing you have been unwilling to surrender … until right now?  

Discern God’s will

This is the moment of breakthrough. It is at this point that grief is no longer the force of the trajectory. Unfathomably, it seems there may be something more. While the loss is still real, something else is emerging. 

What would resting in God’s will look like for you today?  

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Copyright 2024 Johanna Stamps
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