A Gift of Love: Praying for our Grown-Up Children by Name

Rachel Watkins offers encouragement to empty-nester moms to continue to pray for their grown-and-flown children and their needs.

Becoming an empty nester comes with a myriad of feelings. You are grateful to be doing less laundry, cooking smaller meals and finding yourself with more time on your hands with reduced chauffeuring. But these same realities can bring about a loneliness and sense of uselessness. Who am I, if not the busy mom juggling the needs of the many?

We celebrated the feast of Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton on January 4. Her story of conversion and widowhood is familiar to most of us. She holds real status as the founder of the first American religious order (Sisters of Charity) and as the founder of the parochial school movement with her school for girls in Emmitsburg, MD. She is the patron of widows and converts.

She received some extra attention at my home parish as she is the patroness of Maryland. My pastor took the opportunity to tell us that he recalls being told that when she wrote to those she loved including her fellow sisters, she would conclude with, "I’ll place your name in the tabernacle."

I’ve been unable to verify the quote, but it is lovely sentiment all the same. And within those beautiful words, I was reminded of my purpose as a parent regardless of how many children are still at home. I have to keep their names in the tabernacle.

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The father of the prodigal son knew this well. While he didn’t have a tabernacle, he never forgot his son. Within the story we have the profound statement, “While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him” (Luke 15:20). In other words, the father never forgot his son and kept looking for his return.

As surprising as it may seem, forgetting to pray for our children by name, every day can easily happen to any parent. This is true of parent busy with the day-to-day work of raising a family. While remembering our children in prayer can easily slide off our to do list when we don’t see them every day. When we no longer hear of their everyday struggles and needs around the dinner table, we can find ourselves in an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality. While the prophet asks, "Can a mother ever forget her infant" (Isaiah 49:15) with a sense of incredulity, I know it happens.

We know the adage that no news is good news, and we might use it as permission to forget our out-of-the-house children in our prayers. This might be especially true of those children with whom we have a challenging relationship. Or on the other side of the coin, we may forget those children who are doing everything right. Their lives appear to be every parent’s dream as they attend Mass regularly and seek God’s will in all they do. We can let our relief and joy with that child become benign neglect when it comes to prayer.

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Committing to praying for each of our children and needs by name, every day is a true gift of love. #CatholicMom

With Lent around the corner, arriving on Valentine’s Day no less, committing to praying for each of our children and needs by name, every day is a true gift of love. Whether our homes are full of the noise and mess that trails most younger children or full of the quiet that arrives when they leave, we remain their parents and have work to do every day as we help them become saints.

If our children are not prodigals, we need to follow the example of St. Paul, who tells us:

I, ... hearing of your faith in the Lord Jesus and of your love for all the holy ones, do not cease giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. (Ephesians 1:15-16)

And while Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton might not be familiar to you, Saint Monica probably is. We are told she prayed constantly, even with tears, for over two decades for the conversion of her son, Saint Augustine who is now recognized as a Doctor of the Church. She reminds us, “Nothing is far from God.”

Put your children by name in the tabernacle, wrap them up in Mary’s mantle within your Rosary, imagine putting them safely in Saint Joseph’s workshop for his protection. And for the prodigals? Stay on the porch with the Prodigal Father along with Saint Monica, interceding and looking for their return: every day, every name.

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