A Letter to My Mom from Her Daughter

Meg Herriot and Deanna Bartalini dialogue about some of the generational differences of parenting.   

A Letter to My Mom

Dear Mom, 
 
I know it must be confusing to see how differently I parent my child from how you parented me. 
 
Please know that this is not a judgement of you. I really do think I turned out pretty decent, and it must have had something to do with your technique (and God’s grace). 
 
Parenting has changed a lot. Social media, smart phones, the Covid era. The pressure, the pace, the information that has the velocity of a fire hydrant with what you should and shouldn’t do. ... 
 
There is one thing, though, that has remained the same: You don’t always get to parent the kid you thought you’d have. You accepted me even though I wasn’t the spitting image of you (and I often stretched your boundaries of patience and understanding). I’m not parenting the kid I thought I’d have either. God’s variety of children come with their own unique challenges and blessings. I’m parenting the way I need to for this beautiful, unique individual. Just like God knew what He was doing when He made you my mom, He must have had a plan when He made me the mom of this wonderful, unique, challenging child. 
 
So rather than worrying that I’m throwing everything you taught me about parenting out the window, please pray for me that I will have the grace to accept and mold your beautiful grandchild into who God wants them to be, as that is so much greater than who I thought I’d have. 
 
Love,
Your daughter 

A Letter to My Daughter

To my daughter, 

Thank you for sharing your heart with me.  

Before I say anything about parenting, I want you to know that you are an extraordinary joy and blessing in my life. Always. Even when you stretched my boundaries. You helped me grow into a better mom and better person. There was trial and error, (on both our parts) but you have turned out to be a wonderful adult. Well, you said “pretty decent,” which I think does not give you, me, or God enough credit.  

And you are correct; we don’t always get to parent the kid we thought we’d have. I remember wondering, would you look like me or dad, about your hair and eye color, and who you would take after. It turned out, you take after yourself. Which is who you ought to be like: yourself. 

I see that you are trying to do the same for your child. It is not easy, as it seems the world changes far more rapidly than when I was a mother. You contend with things I never even thought about as possibilities, let alone had had access to. When I was in high school, I took a computer class where we used punch cards to feed into a machine that took up an entire classroom. Now, we have computers in our pockets. It is wild. 

Maybe my sometimes less-than-supportive reactions have more to do with the speed of change rather than me thinking you are doing things the wrong way. I love my grandchild, a constant reminder of God’s love and grace. And a reminder of you. 

I will do my best to worry less and pray more. That will help all of us, and maybe keep the wrinkles at bay. 

You are doing an amazing job. 

Love,
Mom 

What are some generational differences you’ve seen in your life, and what unity can you find?

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Meg Herriot and Deanna Bartalini
Images: Canva