Adoption: Should You, Could You, and Then What?

Sherry Hayes-Peirce reviews a book for couples considering adoption, written by an adoptive father of ten children.

Forming families of faith is a cornerstone of being Catholic, and some have formed their families through foster care and adoption. Adoption: Should You, Could You, and Then What? Straight Answers from a Psychologist and Adoptive Father of Ten by Dr. Ray Guarendi is a great resource for those considering the option of adopting a child to form a family.

Adoption

The author has created a family of ten that is diverse in race, gender, age and special needs. There are nearly 400,000 children in foster care in the United States. There are so many children who need permanent homes. Infants are most in demand for many parents, but in this book, Dr. Guarendi touches on the adoption process for children of all ages: infant, toddler, and teen.

Adoption isn’t the easiest path to forming a family. However, as Dr. Guarendi says, it starts with a question: “Are we called to adopt?” Prospective parents have many considerations and questions, even when they feel that this call comes from the Lord.

The first fork in the road on the journey is deciding how you will travel this path: with a private attorney, through an adoption agency, in a foreign country, or fostering to adopt. Next, the age and or gender of the child is considered. Then considerations about health, race, background and how they will fit within a family with other children.

“Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me.” Mark 9:37a

Of course, most parents pray fervently for a healthy child, but one of the shorter chapters in the book was about discerning to adopt a child with special needs. When the Guarendis were presented with the list of children special needs who were available for adoption, they felt guilty because they thought, “We wouldn’t have the option to accept or reject a child born to us … with adoption you can choose your challenge.”

Fear around raising a child that is not biologically yours looms large and brings many questions: How do you make the child feel special? Do you discipline them the same as you would your own? How do you honor their culture when it is not native for you?

May is National Foster Care Awareness Month. My parish (American Martyrs Catholic Community in Manhattan Beach, California) partners with an organization called Olive Crest to provide Easter baskets for children in foster care. This non-profit organization is dedicated to preventing child abuse by strengthening, equipping, and restoring children and families in crisis. They serve about 5,000 children and families each year throughout California, Nevada, and the Pacific Northwest. Our members donated items and and filled more than 300 baskets for children in foster care this past Easter.

Our Catholic faith encourages us to pray that members of the Communion of Saints intercede for us amid the challenges of life. St. Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, is a popular intercessor for families:

Saint Joseph, you who loved Jesus with fatherly love, be close to the many children who have no family and who long for a daddy and mommy. Support the couples who are unable to have children, help them to discover, through this suffering, a greater plan. Make sure that no one lacks a home, a bond, a person to take care of him or her; and heal the selfishness of those who close themselves off from life, that they may open their hearts to love.

The Catholic Church designates St. William of Rochester as the patron for adoptive children and families. This holy man, who attended Mass daily and fed the hungry, adopted an infant boy he found abandoned at church. Sadly, his adopted son eventually murdered him, and a mentally ill woman who discovered his body was healed of her illness. His feast day is May 23.

St. William of Rochester, patron of adopted children and protectors of the innocent, we humbly ask for your intercession and guidance in our lives. May your courage and devotion inspire us to follow the path of righteousness and kindness towards our fellow human beings.

Another saint who serves as an intercessor for those who seek to foster or adopt children is St. Thomas More. He became a widower and when he remarried he adopted his second wife’s daughter, but also accepted three girls into his home and fostered them. One of them, Margaret Giggs was present when he was martyred and obtained his body for burial.

Pope Francis calls us to have courage to be the God-inspired parents to abandoned children.

We should not be afraid to choose the path of adoption, to take the “risk” of welcoming children. (Pope Francis)

Ask for Adoption: Should You, Could You, and Then What? at your local Catholic bookseller, or order online from Amazon.com or the publisher, Sophia Institute Press.

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