All the Love You Can Give

In the middle of a family vacation, Liesl Schiavone found encouragement in conversation with another mom of many.

We returned, once again, from a wonderful Independence Day weekend at Chautauqua Institution, a beautiful community in southwestern New York State. I wrote of our time there last year celebrating the Fourth on picnic blankets and listening to their wonderful Community Band and Pops Orchestra in my article When Dreams Come to Call. 

Chautauqua 2025 did not disappoint. Our five older kids spent the week in sailing camp, club, and children’s school. They enjoyed various activities, learned independence in the safety of the beautiful grounds and made memories that I’m sure will last a lifetime. 

Quiet Mornings 

In the mornings, while my 3-year-old was in Children’s School, my 21-month-old, Leo, enjoyed quiet mornings in Bestor Plaza while we sipped our coffee. He toddled around with his morning snacks, straying a little farther each time and offering big grins to all the passersby. The reactions to a toddler blocking the sidewalk were around 80/20, but he just kept smiling, reveling in the 80% who smiled back and brushed off the rest who were mildly annoyed. 

Leo made sure to use this time to make friends with all the toddlers and dogs he could. One morning, he befriended a little boy named Winnie. They hit it off instantly, sharing their ball and finding a fountain to play in. I learned that Winnie was the fifth of five and his mom was delighted to connect with a mom of a big family. It seemed that she often found herself out of place, delighted in her family size, but curious as to why it’s so rare.

We found ourselves talking about the joys and challenges of big family life, the misconceptions people carry, and what moved our hearts towards the openness that had brought us to this moment following these little men around. I shared that big families are almost a culture for us, that due to circumstance, my mom was an only child who longed for siblings, and that that longing created a legacy of 6 kids, 37 grandchildren, and a new generation eager to welcome new life as the first great grandchild was recently born. She was enthralled by the story, like a wave of relief crashed over her as she realized she wasn’t alone.  

The “Done” Culture 

She told me how she and her husband had the desire for a larger family, even though it had never been modeled for them. She shared how they just never felt “done” after their fourth so remained open to another. I think I found our conversation as refreshing as she did. In a world where dialogue is constantly geared towards being “done” having kids, watching her make sense of this most natural inclination was beautiful.

Seldom do I have a conversation about my family that doesn’t end with the phrase, “Are you done after this one?” I find this one of the most bewildering things about our world today. As if the question is, “Are you done accepting the greatest gift God has to bestow?” Or, “Are you finished learning how to love more perfectly every day?” Sure, nature brings us all to a time when our nuclear families are complete, but when did we start treating children as a thing to be “done” with? 

Later in the week, we found ourselves walking around the grounds while the Pops Orchestra was rehearsing for their July 4th performance. It was hot, we were all tired, and we had a cranky toddler, so we took to walking around the outside of the amphitheater during the rehearsal, hoping he would fall asleep. 

A Dream 

As we were walking, the orchestra began rehearsing a Sound of Music medley. All the feelings swirled over me, as I'm named after the oldest daughter in this iconic musical. Knowing my mom’s love of the movie, I couldn’t help but smile and cry at the same time. This movie was a staple of my childhood; there is little that brings more nostalgia than Julie Andrews and the Von Trapps. All our favorite songs played: “Maria,” “I Have Confidence,” and “My Favorite Things”; finally it ended with “Climb Every Mountain.” The lyrics echoed in my mind. 

My conversation with Winnie’s mom from earlier in the week came back to me. The dream we were living there on that Plaza is best kind of dream there is: the one that will need all the love you can give for as long as you live. Motherhood is most definitely not easy, but this kind of dream is good and beautiful, and having it isn’t strange, it’s natural. 

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Copyright 2025 Liesl Schiavone
Images: (top, center) copyright 2025 Liesl Schiavone, all rights reserved; (bottom) Canva