An Open Letter to a Worried Mother of a Teen

 Roxane Salonen offers encouragement to a reader seeking a mentor for her teenager and to any parents worried about their child’s faith. 

A mother recently wrote to CatholicMom.com seeking tips on finding a mentor for her 13-year-old daughter, an only child, whose father isn’t Catholic. As an older mother, I decided to answer her question in the form of an open letter, hoping my own decades as a parent might bring hope and help to her and others.

Dear Fretting Mother of a Teen,

I’m so encouraged that you reached out. You mentioned that you live in an isolated place, but it’s also true that motherhood itself can be very isolating, regardless of location. These precious souls are entrusted to us, and that is a very weighty proposition, and it can be difficult to know the best way, as Catholic mothers, to guide them, especially if we feel we’re doing much of it solo.

Though I don’t know your exact situation, I hope to offer a little perspective, if nothing else. I’ve helped raise five 13-year-olds. Undoubtedly, our children, now young adults, have their own ideas on whether I guided them rightly. The final verdict is not out. But I do know that God has guided, and taught, me plenty.

It’s important to remember this up front: Parenting is an imperfect operation, with no guarantees.

My husband became Catholic shortly after we married — a wonderful development. But it took several decades for him to really lean into his Catholic faith. So in the earlier years, I often felt, like you, that I was carrying the brunt of our children’s Catholic formation.

Find Support for Yourself First

Your daughter needs fortification, but even before that, you do. The often-used airplane-travel analogy is that we are told to put on our oxygen masks first in an emergency situation before putting them on our children. We need to make sure that we are in a solid place before we can help others. So, I would encourage you, if you haven’t already, to find support for yourself that will carry you through the hard times, as well as the joys, of this life, because you will have plenty of both.

One of the best things I did in those early years was to find a Catholic group of mothers to help buoy me as I navigated these important years. I found one through my parish, and we stayed together for decades, reading the Sunday readings for the coming week, pondering together how they applied to our lives as Catholic moms. This circle of women friends helped strengthen me so I could offer my best to our children.

Does your parish have a group for mothers? If not, would you be open to starting one, with your pastor’s approval? When my initial group disbanded, I became part of another. These small groups are key to living a vibrant Catholic life, and through them, you might even find the mentor you’re looking for.

Prepare Yourself as a Mentor

Earlier, I noted that parenting is an imperfect operation, but here’s the very good news: thankfully, we worship a perfect God. I wish I could have seen earlier how much more God loves our children than I or my husband do, and that, no matter what, he has them firmly in his hands and heart.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we don’t need any earthly help. But I want to encourage you still to focus on the solutions God may have in mind. Right now, there is no Catholic mentor, but your daughter already has a mentor in you, so perhaps, for now, you can prepare yourself to be an even better mother-mentor.

What is your prayer life like? Are you giving God the first and last portions of your day? And do you live out your faith joyfully? This is an attractive feature that can draw not only your daughter, but your husband as well, to the Church. You don’t have to make it happen. You only have to turn to God in prayer and ask that he help you live his love in a way that will draw others — first, your own family.

Get Your Husband Involved

I don’t think her father is off the hook here, by the way. After all, your husband loves your daughter, too, and can continue to be an important influence in her life, even not being Catholic. Though he doesn’t share the faith, he shares love for your child. Is he willing to continue encouraging you in keeping her on the steady path? Pray to God first for openness on his part, and then, in a moment prepared by the Holy Spirit, consider making an appeal to him about his importance in her life. Having a father who will protect his daughter, to help her guard her heart, could pay dividends. Would he be willing to take her on a weekly “date” to help form her in what she should seek in a future husband?

Finally, God isn’t just interested in your daughter’s heart and soul. He wants yours and your husband’s, too. He wants your whole family to be saved. More than ever, it is evident the world doesn’t have the answers to happiness. But such times are a grace, because in them, we turn more ardently toward the One who is trustworthy, and can lead us to Heaven.

I wish I’d known, at the phase you’re at now, that keeping our kids Catholic wasn’t up to me; that God knew the gaps in our family, and would be working overtime to bridge them. He is a trustworthy God who keeps His promises, and he has not lost sight of any of you.

Prayer Is the First Step

As far as finding a worthy mentor besides what I’ve already suggested, I encourage you to pray, like Saint Monica did, for God to bring a mentor into your daughter’s life, like Saint Ambrose became for Saint Augustine. Meantime, God wants to fortify you and your husband, because you love your daughter more than anyone, and God loves her even more than you do.

Ultimately, dear mother, this request you brought forward is as much about your own need for God as it is for your daughter’s, for we are all works in progress. And sometimes, through the brokenness and worries in our lives, God shows us something beautiful: that the most imperfect vessels are the ones He draws most closely to, cares most about, and came to earth to save.

You have more within than you realize to help raise this sweet daughter with love and a strong faith. Dive more deeply into your own faith, find your own mentors and strongholds; keep studying the Faith yourself and living it out joyfully. That will be contagious — for your daughter’s benefit, and your husband’s as well.

I know this letter and what I’ve tried to offer is incomplete, because I don’t know the particulars of your life. But God does. He knows every nook and cranny of your histories and hearts, and is fully equipped, and ready, to be a sure mentor, and lead you to others as needed. He wants your salvation — all of your family’s — and stands ready and willing to lead you all Home.

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Copyright 2026 Roxane Salonen
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