Be Gentle with Yourself in Parenthood

Learning it's okay to drop the ball, Cassidy Van Slyke Blenke leans into the messy world of parenthood and embraces God’s love and light. 

One of my best friends constantly reminds me, “Be gentle with yourself.”   

We mothers, women, masters of schedules, activities, companies, calendars, you name it, have an embedded inclination for perfection and gold stars (at least this one does: my hand is shyly raised through my screen right now).   

Since my early elementary memories began, I learned the warm-fuzzied feeling of fulfillment upon receiving praises from teachers when I helped clean up messes, went above and beyond, and did anything I could do to make their day easier. I recall even making custom thank-you notes for all of my middle-school teachers to thank them for a wonderful year. A part of me was grateful and wanted to spread my heart a little bit, and another part of me craved the validation that I was a good student and on the right life track. 

That same old need for validation

Just this past week, as I am literally tumbling through the first week of school for two of my small elementary-aged children, and preparing the other two for preschool, I am swarmed with some of the same similar fears that drove my perfectionism and overperformance back in elementary school, middle school, ... and dare I say high school?  

Will the other moms like me? Are my children going to have fun at school? Does my outfit look cute? Does my children’s outfit look cute? Did I submit all the paperwork?

How is this once hyper-organized professional woman now mother spinning on her head and seemingly constantly struggling and confused? 

Embracing the chaos

Me, myself, and I, a once type-A professional, enterprise account manager, realized she has dropped about three balls, and now they are scattered everywhere. But God has given me a choice. I can quietly or loudly acknowledge that I have been given this wild season of life, embrace, and ride the wave until things get a bit smoother.  

Sure, it seemed so seamless back in school when you showed up, studied hard, participated, followed the syllabus, wrote the essay, and read the textbooks. And now there’s no daily agenda or guidebook for parenthood. And the best I can do sometimes is manage a to-do list that gets lost in the chaotic mid-week shuffle between sports, doctor appointments, drop-offs, pick-ups, you name it.  

Maybe parenting — and early-childhood parenting especially — is God giving us a giant blue book, and encouraging us to fill in the blank, with a little bit of guiding and “I’m here to listen, but no direct answers or hints.”   

For with you is the fountain of life, and in your light we see light. (Psalm 36:10)

Right now, my form of evangelization is carrying on, loving my children, and leaning into God’s love, listening to my friend’s wise words, and truly learning to be gentle with myself. After all, I think the bottom line is we moms are all doing the best we can with the tools we have, and it’s okay to make mistakes and carry on! 

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Copyright 2024 Cassidy Van Slyke Blenke
Images: Canva