Blessed Is the Day 'We Got It Wrong'

Margaret Gartlgruber relates her to marriage to a review of the new guide to marriage renewal by Constanza Miriano.

Blessed Is the Day "We Got It Wrong": A Guide to Marriage Renewal

By Constanza Miriano 

Published by Sophia Institute Press

Blessed is the Day “We Got it Wrong” is not your typical guide to marriage renewal. This book is filled with stories of everyday hidden struggles many of us live in our own marriages. It does not preach. Rather it enters in to our daily reality, seeing us where we currently are, helping us calm down, gain a fresh perspective and realize our current difficulty is not the end of the world.

Costanza Miriano, in her whimsical writing style with relatable stories, coaches us to keep our gaze on Christ. Even if she goes off track a time or two, she ultimately brings the train into the station with each chapter loaded with gold. You will want to have your highlighter ready to grab those nuggets for future review and reflection!

At home you share everything, the masks come off, and living so close together throws your faults right in your face. That is the only time a miracle can happen.

Chapter zero lays out the point: It is not the idiotic things our people do it to us, but rather our reaction to those idiotic things. She says family is the perfect place to grow in holiness because in every other relationship, we can easily walk away.

“Why Stay Married if… (fill in the blank)”

The main chapters seek to answer this question. The blank includes: not loving each other, bedroom challenges, infidelity, communication and growing apart. She offers practical ways in order to move through many of the hard times of marriage not allowing any of us to give in to self-pity or victimhood we all feel during difficult moments in marriage. Rather she empowers us by giving us tools to grab on to.

Marriage is our Pathway to Heaven

Costanza tells us our marriage is our way to get to Heaven. While I have always prided myself on efforts to get my husband to Heaven, I now see how he is the one getting me to Heaven! Lamenting that my prayer doesn’t seem to make a difference, I see now that his less-exuberant outward show of faith tempers me, softens my edges, makes me less judgmental, and helps me see different sides of any situation. Realizing my own efforts to forgive him, I never thought of how often he forgives me! When I fall short, his forgiveness allows me the space to improve. His calm way gives me the opportunities to grow in virtue in a safe place.

Costanza also discusses communion with our husbands as being the most important thing. We are wives first. Before being moms. And having children, an intact marriage is crucial for them. She says, “no amount of fighting is worse than divorce.” This confirms my own belief.

Stay

This key principle is what it boils down to as I reflecting on how my own marriage has lasted for over 32 years. Through some of our biggest challenges, we each refused to leave. Neither of us even gave up our side of the bed to sleep on the couch. Admittedly, I did get tempted to run away a few times, but my stubbornness won out. Eventually, the heat of emotion passes and the repetition of life wins out. We find our way through the sludge and years later wonder, “What was I mad about again?”

In the meantime, I recommend during times of sludge to grab a copy of Blessed is the Day “We Got It Wrong,” a highlighter, and your coffee. Treat yourself to a fresh perspective and a smile. The world will not end. And neither will your marriage.

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Copyright 2026 Margaret Gartlgruber
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