Book Notes: The Road to Self-Awareness

Rosemary Bogdan reviews a new book by Ian Murphy, which will be helpful for any spiritual challenge you may be trying to overcome.

What a delight to read a self-help book that acknowledges the weakness of self and our dependence on God. Ian Murphy has written just such a book. The Road to Self-Awareness: A Therapy Book for Christians details insights gained during the author’s weight loss journey. Ian once weighed more than 300 pounds.

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This is not at all a book exclusively about how to lose weight, though it may very well help those with that goal. It is rather a book about overcoming vice and accepting God’s healing love. Murphy writes,

I had poisoned myself with the sin of gluttony, a dangerous vice through which I used food as a coping mechanism to escape from anxiety. I shuddered at the realization that the devil had found a way to kill me slowly, and I came to recognize gluttony as a dawdling form of suicide.

Yikes! These are strong words. Ian Murphy tried many different weight loss programs and ideas with some limited success before he realized that victory required another missing piece—faith. He writes,

The meal replacement programs and the workout videos stressed the weight problem that I was being rescued from—with no mention of the happiness I was being rescued for.

These methods can all be helpful, but they ignore God and the necessary presence of the Holy Spirit in all that we do.

The Road to Self-Awareness explains how a Catholic approach focuses on the person, not the problem. Therefore, love will be central. Ian Murphy writes,

You are not a problem to be solved. You are an individual with dignity.

The lessons in this book are quite applicable to any life struggle. We all strive to reject sin, grow in virtue and receive all that God wants to give us.

Chapter Five, “The Mother of All Virtue,” covers, not surprisingly, humility. The author is very transparent in describing his awakening to his own need for humility. I must confess to recognizing a lot of myself in his words.

In our sinful pride, we prefer to be the ones doing the giving. We’re not as comfortable letting in the input of others.

For mothers, giving comes as second nature. Our offspring of all ages need us a lot. But Ian Murphy warns us that love requires giving and receiving, like inhaling and exhaling.

Self-care, which requires humility, is essential for becoming who the Lord created us to be. Mothers, in their devotion to their families, often let self-care slide.

Before I could embrace the virtue of self-care, I needed to learn how to receive—period. That is, self-care wouldn’t cure gluttony until humility cured at least some of my pride. Taking better care of myself would never have entered the picture.

In my own life a kind of disordered perfectionism became a vice, an unwillingness to admit that I couldn’t do it all. I came to realize eventually, by God’s grace, that it was OK to say no to requests. I was reminded by a good priest that just because something is a good thing to do does not mean that God wants me to be the one to do it. Indeed. So obvious, but I remember how eye-opening his words were at that time. The devil uses whatever opening he can find, doesn’t he. I needed to take better care of myself. I needed to be more humble.

Ian Murphy’s practical suggestions are very helpful. What mother has not used a sticker chart? Murphy suggests using your own adult sticker chart with columns for the various steps you want to use to achieve the goal of self-care and growing in whatever virtue you are seeking. I love this idea. You can see your progress this way and occasional setbacks become less discouraging.

The Road to Self-Awareness: A Therapy Guide for Christians by Ian Murphy is very readable but filled with profound thoughts and spiritual insights. I highly recommend it. Everyone is a sinner, and we all need to overcome our vices and grow in the opposite virtue. We all need to love more and that includes loving ourselves. In Murphy’s words,

Healing isn’t just about overcoming whatever plagues us; it’s about living joyfully.

This book is for everyone and should have a place in every family and parish library. I’ll go a little further. It ought to be in every library, period. It’s not a difficult read and offers great insights on the spiritual life and how to grow to be the individuals God created us to be.

Ask for The Road to Self-Awareness at your local Catholic bookseller, or order online from Amazon.com or the publisher, Sophia Institute Press.