Book Review: Have Another Kid Without Losing It

Laura Range reviews Lauren Loboda's new book for moms with baby fever who feel overwhelmed by the idea of adding another child to the family.

In a neighborhood full of young families, we still stand out with my 5-year-old, 4-year-old, 2-year-old, and my rounded 32-weeks-pregnant belly. Most families in our neighborhood have one or two kids, and they seem to watch with a mix of amusement, shock, and intrigue whenever my family takes a walk to the park. Most of the time I don't mind. We smile and chat and enjoy our neighborhood friendships. But every once in a while, particularly on a crazy day, I'm affected by the teasing comments by a culture that questions why I would want this many children or even says I have too many. I start to question if I can handle this—or if I'm in over my head.

Catholic author Lauren Loboda has recently written Have Another Kid Without Losing It, a workbook discussing these very thoughts, particularly when it comes to discerning having another baby. Mother of eight, mother of twins, adoptive mother, mother who lost a child to miscarriage—Lauren has extensive experience on this vocation journey! To share some of the experience and wisdom she's acquired, she earned a life coach certificate from The Cleveland University and now aims to help women equip themselves with the same tools she has learned and used in her own marriage and motherhood, both through life coaching and through the publishing of this book.

Have Another Kid Without Losing It cover

Have Another Kid Without Losing It is a practical, workbook-style resource helping women (or couples) dig deeper into the reasons they may be hesitant to have another child (or even their first child!). Thirteen short chapters cover different considerations such as support systems, financial expectations, sacrifices parents make, mental health, societal pressures, and concerns about giving enough time and attention to each child. Each chapter ends with a handful of reflection questions you can also discuss with your spouse.

It was interesting to read and reflect on each of the considerations and how I've been affected by them in my vocation. Lauren has a candid, encouraging voice that keeps it real in discussing our fears and inadequacies but also reminds us to be on guard for negative thinking that holds us back by giving false perceptions of our abilities and expectations for motherhood and what kids really need. Her reminders to "think about what we are thinking," reshape our thoughts when necessary, and to own our feelings instead of allowing others to dictate them are great advice for living daily life as well as discerning big decisions. I also liked the way she takes popular hesitations about having kids, such as paying for college or sacrificing your own desires and time, and looks at them in a different way (do we really need enough money to pay for college tuition in order to allow ourselves to bring a new life into the world?).

Some of my favorite advice from her was to surround yourself with families who have a similar number of children, both for support and to learn from them. While I do enjoy cultivating friendships with our neighbors and friends with different situations, I'm beyond grateful for my other friends who have 4 to 6 children and are there to encourage me through juggling sleep deprivation from a newborn and homeschooling a kindergartner while keeping a preschool boy entertained. This doesn't mean we isolate ourselves from moms who have a different number of kids or make different parenting choices, but a reminder that it is helpful to have a few moms in a similar situation to be there when you feel alone or question yourself. I also loved her thoughts on how to afford a big family. Our Catholic community of moms shares baby items and children's clothing similar to how she describes, and it is a joy and gift to receive as well as pass on things we no longer need.

Have Another Kid Without Losing It seems to have been written with a broad audience in mind rather than specifically Catholic or faith-based, which was disappointing for me. I personally was anticipating more Catholic content on the discernment process. I would have liked to see more spiritual discussion in the book such as the Church's rich views on the sanctity of each human life and the eternal benefits of raising a family. It's hard for me to separate the spiritual and the practical when we are discerning another baby because often the spiritual side can greatly influence the practical concerns! This is a useful book for someone who does need more of the practical reassurance, though, especially in the face of a culture that is constantly telling us about the burdens of having children rather than the gift of them. It also may reach more women who are desiring children but would be hesitant to read a faith-based book about the topic.

A few times, Lauren touches on the benefits of life coaching for women and mothers, both in this particular area of childbearing and outside of it, and offers her coaching services. Occasionally it appeared that the book was marketing her business, but it also was an appropriate connection because life coaching can help a woman root out negative thinking and equip her with confidence. You can find out more about her work and her book at her website, LifeCoachMama.com.

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