Bringing Children to Mass: Putting God First and my Expectations Last

Cassidy Van Slyke Blenke discusses the challenges of letting go of internal expectations to prioritize family and connection with Jesus at Mass. 

Before I had my children and took time to observe young families attending Mass, I naïvely only noticed the calm, neat, and orderly families. I did not take note of any young, noisy children, and certainly not children with unbrushed hair, so when I started bringing my noisy children with messy hair to church, I felt like we were the only ones.  

I assumed that once I had children, we would all dress up nicely and attend church regularly as a group, just like the families I had witnessed before having my children. I converted to Catholicism and was baptized as an adult, so my baseline of Church etiquette was gained throughout the RCIA process, my own Mass attendance, attendance at church services of other denominations over the years, and what I saw on TV shows and movies. I was unprepared for what was to come in motherhood, the massive responsibility it entailed, and especially the entire process of attending Mass as a family. 

Bringing Children to Mass Is Challenging  

Once I became a mother, I suddenly became more aware of the families with small children, my eyes opening to world of having little ones and the hardships of raising them and bringing them out in public. Things became unmanageable when I had my second child, even more so after my third and then my fourth consecutively, all in four and a half years. I honestly feel that today I am still in the process of catching my breath. Realistically, attending Mass with all four of my children has been a tornado of organized chaos.  

I often felt embarrassed and exhausted after Mass because most of my time was spent trying to calm my children — and my own inner monologue of self-criticism and perfectionism. I was so concerned with what everyone else was thinking, because there were many times when my children were inconsolable, their cries echoing through the church, following us out the door as we departed early. I left church feeling exhausted and defeated. In my heart, I wanted us to enjoy a time together as a family before God and embrace the calm I experienced when I first started attending Mass before I had the massive responsibility of managing a very young, spirited family. 

Prioritizing my Relationship with God  

Last year, I reached a point of acceptance; I had had enough. I turned my concern for what everyone else was thinking over to God and accepted that my faith journey is about my relationship with God, showing my children about God, and introducing our children to the beauty of attending Mass, no matter how discombobulated the entire production might be. Our journey as a family, and mine as a mother, have nothing to do with everyone else.  

I Opened Myself Up  

I opened myself up to the compliments I received from other parishioners when they shared with me after Mass about how wonderful it was to see all of my children there. It didn’t bother them in the least bit that the little ones cried, but it warmed their hearts to see that my husband and I brought our entire family.  

We now make a point to allow each child to light a candle for someone, (in my daughter's case, animals), before Mass begins. When the collection comes around, they will take turns placing our family’s donation into the basket. My husband and I do our best to tag-team our parenting efforts and remove whatever small child is unsettled for a walk or stay in the cry room. And it’s not always all of us who attend together. Sometimes, I take a few children, or we spontaneously stop by the church to light a candle, say hi to Jesus, and just sit when we haven’t been able to gather the entire family in a while.  

Letting Go of My Expectations  

Once I truly let go of my own expectations of how our family’s Mass experience should go, I could embrace the moments of grace where I witnessed the true gifts of faith: my children’s growing understanding and connection to a power greater than themselves, where I was lucky enough to hold their hands along the way. 

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Copyright 2025 Cassidy Van Slyke Blenke
Images: iStockPhoto.com, licensed for use by Holy Cross Family Ministries