Chaos in the Pew

Janele Hoerner offers encouragement to calm parents' fears about bringing little ones to Mass. 

As my children file into the church and genuflect before entering into the pew, it feels as if everyone knows our family is now present. The silence of the quiet church has now been interrupted by our three smallest children who are attempting to kneel like their older siblings.

In what had been a relatively silent church, by the filing in reverently of our older six before God, our little ones make up for the quiet in strides as they bang to the floor. In their attempt to mimic their siblings, they either entirely sit on the floor or fall headfirst into the entry point of the pew with wrong knees going down and hands touching every point on their chest to bless themselves. Sometimes they even do an acrobatic twirl and somehow face the back of the church in the process; I must admit it is quite entertaining for the older women in the back pews of the church.

You are Not Failing When You Bring Your Children to Mass

Years ago, when I only had three little children and this process would take place, I felt like I was failing in teaching my children to pray and act correctly at Mass. I would feel anger pulsing through my veins, and I felt that with each sound we were disrupting what was supposed to be a quiet and respectful church. I just felt like everyone was noticing our failures.

Now with the growth of parenting for 18 years, I watch the chaos of the little ones before me and I am able to laugh quietly to myself because I see how beautiful the progress is. The progress of little bodies praying is the most wonderful form of giving everything to God!

Wisdom Brings Understanding of Children's Development

I used to believe that as we age, we lose our ability to understand children and we expect perfection. Yet I see now that if we age with the wisdom of God, we will understand children and not expect perfection. Those who are scowling at the children and attempt to make a person feel as if you are failing in raising your own children truly never understood the purpose of children to begin with, so of course they are bothered by them. You should not be trying to impress the people who have not grown in their love of others.

If mean looks rather than smiles line your church, then pray for those individuals’ growth. No one should attempt to make you feel, or should you allow yourself to feel, like you are not a welcomed part of the Mass with the little children God entrusted you to raise. You are loved for bringing those little ones to Mass — you truly are. 

For now, as the children fling their books from their hands on the floor and they fall into the pew as they genuflect, I know they are fully loved. They are loved in the progress of learning throughout every stage of their lives to eventually be the quiet individuals in the pews who are not heard, but are quietly reverent.

We are not there yet, and that is okay. If my little ones bang the toy they just can’t bear to separate with for a 45-minute Mass or drop the hymnals or scream during the Consecration because they hit their head while trying to escape under the pew, just smile. Yes, it may be an interruption. Yes, it causes a distraction for a quick moment. Yes, we will take them out if they cannot be calmed easily, but we must find the joy in every moment while thanking God even during the moments when we feel like we are failing as parents.

Life is chaos, but we must organize the chaos slowly over time as we raise our children. God sees our attempts front and center and appreciates that we are willing to help our children see this gift of life and the place where we understand the gift of life most should be in our Catholic Church. Yes, we can get frustrated, as I have, and feel as if our children have disrupted the entire Mass. We may hang our heads as we walk out with our loud children, while feeling like we must get out of the church as fast as humanly possible.

Instead of leaving with so much anger and thinking, "How could God give me such a disrespectful human child?" we can choose to gaze down at them lovingly. We can choose to say, "If God can love me, choose to continually form me, and give good to me — even after all of the mess-ups I have made — then God understands my child’s progress of growth into the human person who will one day meet Him face to face."

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Copyright 2026 Janele Hoerner
Images: Canva