Chocolate Parenting

Janele Hoerner shares with us how gently teaching delayed gratification to tiny children can help to build them into generous adults.

As parents, so many times, we forget how quickly time passes. It seems that we never have enough time in a day and with so much to get done, it seems like we are wasting time if we sit down without something to do. We are so focused on the big picture of our children’s lives and what needs to be complete that we may forget or simply choose not to make time to just be with our children. There will always be so much to do, but without simply being—we are all missing out.

We can easily tire of all the little joys that make our tiny children the happiest. We may put aside the most special cuddles our children give us because we have more important things to do or we think that their pure simplistic wonder is gross or unnecessary. Instead, we spend our time working and/or planning these vast futures for those tiny gifts from above rather than just being with our children.

God allows our lives to be so simple and yet we make our lives so difficult, even bringing our children into that madness if we are not careful. It is a trick to believe that our children need more toys and less of us. It is a trick to think that these growing children need more socialized learning and less time with their parents. It is a trick to trust what the world sets as guidance for what a life should look like.

null

God also calls us to come and just be in His presence during Adoration. Many of us deny that call too, because it can seem like a waste of time and does not seem to teach our children much to “just sit there.” What can we really do by just being with God? But both with our children as well as with Christ in Adoration, the closer we allow ourselves to be to them, the closer they will come to us.

After 15 years of parenting, I believe my husband and I have tried a little bit of every advice we have received. Some of that advice pained me to follow through with, but I did it out of love and respect to those administering the advice. Some advice I could never bring myself to do, though the best advice that we have followed have been the things that just felt the most right and I have lightly termed it “Chocolate Parenting,” using love and mercy as a guide. (This has only worked with my neurotypical children, as children with special needs are a little more complex.)

Every time I give our children a special treat, I simply ask them if they will share a bite with me before they take their own bite. In this simple request, I am teaching our children to share and to delay their gratification just a little bit. It is in this small request that we are teaching our children that sharing with another is more loving than consuming by ourselves.

null

When we look around at the world today, we see the chaos that erupts. We see and feel the sadness even in the individuals shopping with us in the grocery stores. There is immense pain, loneliness, and isolation. If we have even a chance to spare our children from that type of life in the future, we must do everything in our power, even when it comes at our own expense.

If it’s possible to even alleviate that burden on our children by just taking the time to sit with them and do something they want to do, why would we not do it? Maybe it adds 15 more minutes to your nighttime routine to just listen a little, but in the grand scheme of things, you will never regret those extra moments when those tiny kids are grown adults. May God guide us all to learn to let go of the unnecessary and learn to just be in the presence of those we love!

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.