Choosing Joy in the Carpool Line

Tammy Marino of Unbound shares how small moments can make lasting memories and shape family culture.

Just as summer is all about family, freedom and leisure, the school year can be associated with structure, discipline and stress. Parents all too often get caught up in the “Am I doing enough?” tornado of self-doubt.

Are the kids in the right activities? Are they doing enough or too many activities? Am I volunteering as much as I should? Are we allowing enough downtime in between school and extracurriculars? Are they eating the right foods? Are we creating lasting memories and traditions?

But when we slow down and breathe, and perhaps even think back to how many of us grew up, we may realize that while the school year does typically mean more structure and schedules, it does not need to mean angst.

Family culture and the kinds of memories that kids bring up time and time again aren’t typically found in those highly charged, scheduled events but in the small moments, the ordinary rhythms we repeat without realizing their significance.

The carpool line. The bedtime routine. Sunday pancakes. Weekly Mass. Family dinners. These are the precious and all too fleeting moments when love, openness, trust, and faith are conveyed.

The Joy of Waiting

My kids are older now — ages 23, 22, 20 and 15 — but for a long time, there were large blocks of my day that were spent in the infamous carpool line, or some variation of it. When my “bigs” were in the thick of elementary school, my little guy came along for the ride to morning drop-off and again for the afternoon pickup.

Even all the way through high school, when I was tasked with shuttling sometimes grumpy teens to whatever extracurricular event they needed to attend, car time was sacred. Those moments spent either singing together at the top of our voices to whatever was on the radio, having quiet conversation about their day, or discussing heavy concerns or issues remain some of my fondest parenting memories.

There seems to be something about being in a car — everyone facing forward, no uncomfortable eye contact and the noise and pressures of the outside world incapable of infiltrating this powerful family travel machine — that makes kids and adults alike more vulnerable, more open, more real. It was inside a car that I learned when and how classmates were being unkind to my children and others. It was inside a car that I learned so much about my kids’ aspirations and achievements, and their challenges and fears.

Driving kids to school as the summer comes to an end can be a bittersweet moment but know that magic lives in those drives. Relationships are strengthened, secrets are shared, trust is built, all while serving as our kids’ chauffeurs.

Mix the Batter!

Sometimes making the ordinary extraordinary, and vice versa, is what core childhood memories are made of.

When I was a kid, pancakes were for special occasions. It wasn’t often that my mom, also a mom of four, had the time or the energy to measure out dry and wet ingredients, heat up a griddle and patiently wait for a little bit of batter to turn into golden-brown goodness. But I loved those pancakes.

So, from the time my kids were itty bitty, I decided that Sunday mornings were not just for church. Sunday mornings were for pancakes. And I wasn’t going to give myself all the work or fun. I only had three children, all under the age of 4, when we created a ritual, a song and memories that I hope last a lifetime.

To the tune of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” we would all sing along:

Mix, mix, mix the batter
Mix it nice and smooth.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
I will do it, too!

And the bowl and the mixing spoon would be passed to the next eager mixer. Pouring and flipping were jobs I handled solo while little hands set the table and found the butter and syrup in the refrigerator.

Even as the kids got older, and weekends got busier and school assignments hung over Sundays like an ominous dark cloud, we made time for those pancakes, complete with the mixing melody. A ritual that started with toddlers became a beacon of light, a dependable, joyful part of weekends that can all too often become stressful during the school year.

Pancakes set us up for more cherished family time at Mass. We weren’t waking up groggy kids, tweens or teens and rushing to church. We started our day with pancakes — even if it meant earlier wake-ups — and it gave us the peace and joy we needed to truly appreciate Mass. As Psalm 118:24 tells us: “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad.”

Family Dinners

While family dinners during the school year may lack the kind of carefree lounging that accompanies so many summer meals, conversations can be much richer. As our kids learn more about American and world history, and as they meet peers from different households, their world view begins to take shape, or shift.

Dinner time should be a no-pressure zone to have discussions, and even debates, about so many issues. At our table, we have had in-depth dialogues about subjects ranging from theoretical mathematical concepts to whether students should be allowed to have technological devices at school.

We have also had compassionate talks about how they can help friends who they see struggling. We have talked about bringing extra sandwiches or snacks to share with peers who may act as though they aren’t hungry, but who are clearly not eating only because they have no food to pack and no money to purchase lunch.

In our house, this was always a natural segue to talk about one of our favorite Bible verses:

“And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’” (Matthew 25:40)

Bringing Structure to Solidarity 

Standing alongside and helping others is a central tenet of faith and raising kids to understand that is an integral part of our parenting. Why not use the structure of the school year to add scheduled volunteerism and charitable giving? What starts as an assigned routine can quickly evolve into a love of giving.

Volunteer as a family at a local soup kitchen each month. Encourage your children to consider setting up a lemonade stand to raise money for your local parish social concerns office. Maybe your older children are part of a church youth group or religion class that might consider walking alongside a family in Africa, Asia, or Latin America via monthly sponsorship through Unbound’s Global Classmates program, designed to connect students in the U.S. with a new friend across the world.

By including giving in your family’s schedule, you ensure it doesn’t become something you wished you had done more of. Rather, it becomes routine, where it may indeed be one of the most meaningful checked boxes at the end of the day/week/month.

School schedules bring less free time, but that only means the moments together are more cherished and precious. As I inch my way closer to an empty nest, I recognize now more than ever the value of seeing the sacred in the simple and unlocking the extraordinary from the ordinary.

It’s finding the joy in the carpool line.

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Copyright 2026 Tammy Marino for Unbound
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