
Nicole Berlucchi learns how every conversation is a place to encounter God and encounter each other more authentically.
“How do you spend your time?” a mom asked during a first-time meeting. I was surprised. The traditional “What do you do?” or “So, do you stay at home or …?”, with the blank left for the person to fill in the blank or acknowledge they are a stay-at-home mom, is what I'd come to expect.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure how to answer, so I asked her, “You mean like hobbies or work or ...?” I was waiting for her to default to those traditional questions: work or stay at home.
She said, “Whatever you want to share about.”
Wow. OK.
So I shared how I spent my time: kids, work, volunteering, reading and writing. How did this woman tap into more information in a minute than I was used to sharing in a usual first-time meeting?
I wondered why I had never thought to pose a question that way. Why did I default to the thing one did professionally or whether they stayed at home? There is so much more to us.
A Common Question Countered with an Uncommon Answer
Only a few weeks later, I was at a park and conversing with a young adult who looked about college age. I was pretty certain about her age, and I knew she worked at a gym.
“So, where do you go to school? Are you in college? Is this something you are in school for?”
The girl handled it with such ease in response. “I am college-aged, but I am not in college. I work at a coffee shop.” She proceeded to tell me how she'd met the head trainer at the coffee shop and got involved at the gym.
I was kicking myself because it reminded me instantly of how much I appreciated that atypical: “How do you spend your time?” question just weeks before. Why do I assume every 18- to 21-year-old person is in college? There are a million other things they could be doing. If I pose the question centered around college, aren’t I creating a barrier in our conversation?
That’s when “What does your summer or year ahead hold?” became my new question to the teens and young adults around me. The idea is to ask questions knowing there is more to a person than one path in life: college, work, whatever. Give them space to share more than a basic answer.
A Resourceful Book for Conversations
On the heels of these encounters, I was introduced to Dr. Christopher Reed, author of Sacred Conversations: How God Wants Us to Communicate.
After meeting Chris, I was struck by his generosity in conversation and his uncanny ability to ask questions that couldn’t be answered easily. The questions were thought-provoking and atypical.
Knowing he'd written a communication book, I was intrigued about what God had shown Chris about communication that made his gift of “helping” clear in the way he conversed with me.
Dr. Reed addresses the science as well as the spiritual active in our conversations. Further, he dives into the scripturally-rooted roles of helping and seeking, where we can be instruments of God.
God brings us together for reasons we can not imagine. When we miss the opportunity to engage, we might miss an opportunity to encounter God and His work.
Chris explains how the roles of “helper” and “seeker” require their own type of courage, awareness and action. He underscores that helping is not always solving the problem, sometimes it is simply asking good questions or being a connector to another helper.
Chris became a “helper” for me because of an introduction from a mutual friend. His insights into the Catholic publishing world and how to write an introduction were invaluable to me when editing my own manuscript.
Our friend didn’t give much thought to this introduction, but for me, the connection was invaluable. His encouragement to pursue this project with a traditional publisher helped me step out of my comfort zone and approach a publisher at the Catholic Writers Guild conference.
Chris’s questions and help pushed me to new places in my writer’s journey. If I wasn’t willing to seek the help, say yes to a friend offering an introduction, my “next steps” as a writer might not have happened. We never know where our seeking and helping might lead.
The Way We Engage Matters
We can learn so much more about a person if we authentically engage with each other, if we expect God to use our encounters and conversations and if we use our conversations as a way of helping others become who they are called to be. In doing so, we too become who God created us to be, seeking and helping along the paths of life all a part of His amazing plan.
What questions do you use to encourage sacred conversation?
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Copyright 2024 Nicole Berlucchi
Images: Canva
About the Author

Nicole Berlucchi
Nicole Berlucchi is a wife, mom of four, and author of Magnify Love: Unlocking the Heart of Jesus in Your Life and Your Marriage, living in the Nashville, TN area. Devoted to Jesus and Mary, she finds the Eucharist, Adoration and the Rosary to be a continuous source of light and life for her spiritual journey. Find her at NicoleBerlucchi.com or on Instagram @berlucchiwriting.
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