Counteracting Loneliness with Community

A recent survey about loneliness reminded Leigh Ann Roman of the blessings of Catholic community and spirituality.

Loneliness is not the first word that comes to mind when thinking of family. But a new national survey by The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center found that a majority of parents experience isolation, loneliness, and burnout due to the obligations of parenthood. The survey of 265 parents, published in April 2024, found: 

• About two-thirds (66%) said that the demands of parenthood make them feel isolated or lonely sometimes. 
• More than 60% said they felt burned out by parental responsibilities. 
• Nearly 40% said they feel they have no one to support them in their parenting role.      
• Almost 80% said they would appreciate finding a way to connect with other parents outside of work and home. (survey)

Although my days in the trenches of parenthood are over, I could relate to the feelings of isolation and stress mentioned in this survey. My choice to stay home with my children isolated me from most of my friends in the career world, and the financial consequence of living on one income prevented us from getting involved in anything that cost money. Our second child’s health problems kept us home a lot during the flu season because he couldn’t take the flu shot, and doctors assured me that the flu could be his death knell.  

I see now that the many opportunities to grow spiritually and connect with community as a Catholic were a saving grace to me during my early days of child-rearing. And I hope they are a continuing resource to other parents in the trenches. 

Building an interior life 

Something I did without realizing it as a young mother was to begin developing my interior life. During the loneliest winter days when I couldn’t go many places due to our son’s health issues, I would go to First Friday Adoration at our parish. I took the kids with me to the cry room and let them play there while I prayed. 

I also made friends with the saints, reading about them and allowing them to be my guides on life’s journey. Two of my favorites are Saint Teresa of Avila and Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. But there are so many saints whose lives are examples of wisdom and virtue, and they can walk with you and intercede for you. 

Reaching out  

During warmer months, our family took part in all of the activities our small parish had to offer. The monthly Knights of Columbus potluck was a great social outlet. And I even joined the parish softball team, although I am a truly terrible player. 

I also met a few other mothers of young children at church, which allowed us to get out for play groups. As the children grew older, I made Cursillo and began grouping with some other moms of young children. Cursillo was a great aid to fellowship and spiritual growth. These connections with other mothers gave me new perspectives on parenting challenges. We also could occasionally help one another with childcare. 

Becoming a resource 

When a person settles into a community, it can be easy to stay within one’s comfortable circle and not reach out to the folks on the margins — those who might be lonely. That is the perfect time to become a resource for others. By extending yourself to others, you are actually preventing your own future loneliness. 

Again, the parish community offers many opportunities for this kind of service. At our parish, the Women’s Guild is an excellent venue to be of service and socialize at the same time. Becoming part of the St. Vincent de Paul Society or volunteering with the parish school are also wonderful ways to make connections and serve others. 

When my mother-in-law was in her 80s, she joined a small group of older ladies who met weekly to put together the church bulletin with all of its inserts. They also visited and ate lunch together. These women became her social group — an important source of connection outside the family — when her mobility was increasingly limited.    

In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General issued a health advisory on our national epidemic of loneliness and isolation. This is an unnecessary tragedy, in my opinion. Each of us has the power to reach out in our own community to change this. People crave connection.  

It is my hope that we can begin in our parish communities to counteract the loneliness epidemic as we welcome newcomers, pray together, listen to one another, and walk with each other through all of the stages of life. 

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Copyright 2024 Leigh Ann Roman
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