Dignity in Losing

Jena Muhr considers a difficult lesson to teach children: how to lose (and win) with grace and dignity.

One of the hardest things to learn as a child, and one of the hardest things for me to watch as a mom, is how to lose with grace and dignity. My three young children are currently learning the ups and downs of playing games and sports with others. There are days when it is easy for them. They will smile and say, "Good game," after suffering a devastating loss. But other days, even losing fair game can wreck them into tears and devastation. For a child, so much goes into a game and it’s not always a straight line that can lead them to their reaction. But losing with dignity and grace is something that I feel they need to learn.

This knowledge makes me all the more conscientious of how my husband and I respond to losing, whether it’s an intense game of Candyland or when our favorite team is knocked out of the playoffs. Demonstrating the way that you can accept a loss that meant a lot to you, showing that you’re disappointed but not letting that game overwhelm or take away from everything else in life, is a hard thing to do all the time.

I’m sure that most of us can think of a time when we were faced with a loss. I know adults who let the losses of their favorite team impact their functioning for days after the match. I want my kids to be able to love the games that they play and to care about their effort, but to know that at the end of the day it is a game. Games are meant to be fun. Whether you win or lose does not define who you are, but how you behave when you win or lose does make a difference.

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In my home I work to teach my kids to tell each other good game, shake hands or give a hug, and continue on with their day in an appropriate and typical manner after each win or loss. It’s OK to show that you are proud of yourself, but not to the point that you’re putting someone else down or making them feel bad. And it’s OK to feel sad, but it’s not OK to throw a fit and stomp out of the room. This takes practice.

And if we end by taking things philosophical, what is a game but a metaphor for life? If you are a sour loser in a game, then what is to stop you from taking every slight in life personally and carrying that insult or injury with you? If you cheat at a game, then what is to stop you from cheating on a test at school or on your taxes? If you’re a boastful winner, what is to stop you from excessive pride and boastfulness in your daily life?

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Click to tweet:
Whether you win or lose does not define who you are, but how you behave when you win or lose does make a difference. #CatholicMom

Who would have thought that there is so much pressure in playing a game of Candyland or Connect 4—or watching the World Series? Learning to handle yourself with grace and dignity in all situations is something that benefits people of all ages in every path that you travel in life.

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