Discerning Lay Religious Life as a Mother

Laura Steiner reflects on her discernment about becoming a Lay Dominican as a mother raising two little ones.

Last summer, I attended my first meeting with the Lay Fraternities of St. Dominic at the Dominican House of Studies in Washington, DC. I was what you would call an “inquirer” — someone curious about the Lay Dominicans and interested to see what their pillars of community life, apostolate, prayer and study were like in practice. At the time, I was on maternity leave and pretty freshly postpartum with my second child, but felt this strong tugging in my prayer life that, despite my lack of sleep and a house full of boxes from our latest military PCS, now was the moment to take the plunge and figure out if I really did have a calling to become a Lay Dominican.   

A Winding Path to Lay Dominican Life  

Growing up, I understood there are a select few vocations in life as Roman Catholics that help us live out our universal call to holiness: marriage, priesthood and religious life, and the single life. Then, throughout high school and college I started hearing that one could be a lay person — single or married — and become an active participant in the apostolic mission of a religious order, following their Rule and life of liturgical prayer. 

The Order of Preachers in particular inspired me, with their dedication to study, prayer, and preaching, and their devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary. My own love of liturgy and the life of the church led me to major in theology as an undergraduate and go on to complete an MTS and PhD in Liturgical Studies. Along the way I met a number of wise, holy, and faithful Dominican friars and religious sisters. I found I wanted to surround myself with their joy and their incredible intellects, but most especially their deep and abiding love of God and Our Lady. I wanted to emulate that in my own life but wasn’t sure how I could do that on my own, particularly as a military spouse, which meant relocating every couple of years and having little control over where we’d be assigned.   

Our first duty station in Hawaii saw me navigating a career change and giving birth to our first son. Our second duty station in Tennessee involved my husband going on a combat deployment to Iraq, while I — pregnant and working full time — held down the home front with a rambunctious toddler who refused naps. My nascent vocation was countered with thoughts like: “How could I possibly have the time to explore being a Lay Dominican right now? I barely have time to say a short prayer upon waking or going to sleep, and all I can manage is attending Sunday Mass! Besides, there aren’t any fraternities nearby to see if I even want to do this. I’ll wait a few years until things calm down and I can dedicate more time to this discernment.”  

Living Vocations to Motherhood and the Lay Dominican Life  

The Holy Spirit, however, has an incredible way of prompting us and guiding our hearts to listen to God’s will, in spite of ourselves. A month after our daughter was born, we were assigned to a base near Washington, DC, where the Dominican headquarters of the Province of St. Joseph is located. Despite my previous insecurity and excuses, I felt such a strong encouragement to look up the locations of some fraternities near where we live. Several of them met at the Dominican House of Studies, which was only an hour away.

I felt the Holy Spirit guiding me as I reached out to the presidents of those fraternities to see if it would be possible to attend a meeting or two. They were so welcoming, and instead of expressing doubt, many shared their delight at seeing a young mother exploring this way of life. The sources from which the laity of St. Dominic draw in order to advance their own vocations include reading Sacred Scripture, attending daily Mass, monthly celebration of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, daily praying of the Liturgy of the Hours and Rosary, and attending spiritual retreats. When I realized I was already doing some of these, and that my heart was longing for the rest, I knew that this indeed was the path I should be taking!  

After attending several monthly meetings as an inquirer, I applied to become a postulant. Soon after I was accepted I became a stay-at-home mom, which meant that, despite the beautiful chaos of raising two little ones, I gained more time to dedicate to my spiritual development than I ever had before. My husband has been so supportive and takes care of our children while I attend monthly fraternity meetings. This has been a beautiful year of formation, and God willing, I will be received into the Order of Preachers as a lay novice next month.  

In the end, I am continually encouraged by my fraternity members — many of them mothers themselves — that my apostolate as a lay Dominican is my motherhood itself. What a joy to be able to live out my vocation as a mother and as a Lay Dominican. My vocations are in harmony, and that gives me so much peace.  

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Copyright 2025 Laura Taylor Steiner
Images: (top, center) iStock, licensed for use by Holy Cross Family Ministries; (bottom) Canva