Encouragement for the Catholic Mom of 'That Kid'

Ginny Kochis shares uplifting advice, both saintly and secular, for lonely moms of 'different' kids.

Raising that kid -- the one who climbs walls, melts down at the drop of a hat, has quirks for days, and makes you question whether you really were made for this -- can be a distinctly lonely vocation. I know because I’ve lived it.

I have three kiddos who fit the bill.

My children are twice-exceptional. They are gifted kids who live with autism, OCD, anxiety, and sensory processing disorder. After 14 years of motherhood, Mass is still dicey, large gatherings are still too people-y, and sleep (to say nothing of sanity) is really hard to come by.

But no matter how separate I feel from the world around me, no matter how much I worry that we don’t fit the standard definition of Good Catholic Family, the reality is that my family is exactly as God designed it.

I am not alone in this vocation, and, my friend, neither are you.

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As I’ve navigated the world of exceptional parenting, I’ve discovered two important truths. There are other Catholic moms of exceptional kids in existence, and there are saints and parenting experts who really do understand. So in the spirit of the sisterhood that exists within our shared vocation, I’d like to offer a bit of shelter in the storm.

No matter how much I worry that we don’t fit the standard definition of Good Catholic Family, the reality is that my family is exactly as God designed it. #catholicmom

Here’s some insight and encouragement from some of my favorite people, just for you: the Catholic mom of that wonderful, amazing, challenging child.

From St. Zélie Martin

The good Lord does not do things by halves; He always gives what we need. Let us then carry on bravely.

and

It is necessary that the heroic becomes daily and that the daily becomes heroic.

Most likely twice-exceptional herself, Zelie Martin lived with severe depression while raising strong-willed, differently-wired girls (to sainthood!). St. Zelie understood the quiet bravery of exceptional motherhood: that when every day, every step is an uphill battle, you are a warrior - simply because you carry on.

From St. John Paul the Great

Do not be afraid. Do not be satisfied with mediocrity. Put out into the deep and let down your nets for a catch.

As the mom of that kid, you are within your rights to be that mom: the one who fights tooth and nail for her child to get the care and services he needs. Don’t be afraid to advocate for your kiddo. You are the person who knows your child best. Just remember to proceed with kindness and charity when those Mama Bear claws come out.

(NB: this is a lesson I learned the hard way. Learn from my mistakes, lady, and don’t make the classroom teacher cry.)

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From parenting expert LR Knost:

Don't ask yourself at the end of the day if you did everything right. Ask yourself what you learned and how well you loved, then grow from your answer. That is perfect parenting.

Focus more on who your child is than what your child does. Remember, you're growing a person, not fixing a problem.

Your child’s wiring isn’t an accident. It’s part of God’s divine plan: the exact neurological map he crafted when he formed your child in the womb. While the outcome of that wiring creates an unequivocal challenge for you as a mother, it is an opportunity for growth for both of you. Neither your nor your child is broken. You are works of art - in progress.

From Padre Pio:

You must have boundless faith in the divine goodness, for the victory is absolutely certain.

and

Pray, hope, and don’t worry.

I know - easier said than done. But the truth is, roughly 95% of what causes you anxiety has no bearing on the moment at hand. As I’ve learned through several weeks of therapy, worry involves what might happen, not what is happening at the moment. And what is happening in your home and heart this minute? God is there with you, and the battle’s already been won.

From St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)

When night comes, and you look back over the day and see how fragmentary everything has been, and how much you planned that has gone undone, and all the reasons you have to be embarrassed and ashamed: just take everything exactly as it is, put it in God’s hands and leave it with Him.

Because from a rational perspective, what good does any of that baggage do when you carry it with you to bed? Rest is hard enough to come by as it is. laying your burdens at the foot of the cross is hard - I get that. But when you finally find the strength to put all of it in God’s hands, you’ll find that baseline interior peace you’ve been craving. Giving your fears, your regrets, and your disappointments to God is the ultimate act of surrender. It is a deep dive into his abiding grace.

Do you have a favorite quotation or Scripture verse that encourages you in your vocation? Share it in the comments below.