Expecting Grace

While she can’t expect grace, Sharon Wilson knows she can trust it will be there, and the best way to thank God for it is to pass it on. 

Since my husband’s death, I have leaned hard on the grace of others to carry me. I don’t mean just the casseroles and cards that came in those early days, though those were precious beyond words. I mean the quiet allowances my friends and family made for me when I didn’t have the energy to reciprocate. 
 
I missed calls. I stayed home when invited out. I pulled away from conversations because I didn’t have the strength to enter into someone else’s joy or sorrow. I expected others to include me, even though I rarely initiated anything. I would cancel plans at the last minute simply because the weight of the day was too much — and I assumed they would just … understand. And for a long while, they did. 
 
That’s the thing about grief: at first, it’s obvious. People can see it on you, like a heavy coat you can’t take off. But as time goes on, the coat becomes invisible to others, even though you still feel its weight. 

Making a Habit of Expecting Grace

It’s been three years now, and this habit of “expecting grace” has become ingrained. I sometimes wonder if I’ve crossed a line — have I made my grief an excuse? Should I tell myself, "Snap out of it?" How long can I ask my friends to keep carrying me? 
 
And yet, as I wrestle with those questions, I’m also learning something else. My friends’ patience with me has been imperfect but real. Sometimes they’ve gently nudged me forward. Sometimes they’ve stepped back and given me space. Sometimes they’ve been right there when I didn’t deserve it. In those moments, I see a reflection, however faint, of the grace of God. 

 
The Hebrew word khanan means “the free bestowal of kindness to one who has neither claim upon our bounty, nor adequate compensation to make for it.” That’s a mouthful, but in simpler words, it’s being given something you could never earn and could never repay. 
 
The New Testament deepens the picture, describing God’s grace as His unmerited favor toward His people. I can’t demand it. I can’t schedule it. I can’t work hard enough to ensure I’ll receive it. Grace, by definition, is a gift. 

Grace Is a Gift 

And that’s the tension I’m living in: I can’t expect grace — but I can have faith it will be there. Not because I deserve it, but because God is who He says He is. His grace doesn’t run out when the calendar turns to a new year, or when friends grow weary, or when my own strength still falters. 
 
The more I receive it, the more I feel an urgency to extend it. Not as a transaction, but as thanksgiving. To be the one who offers space, patience, and kindness to someone who can’t quite hold it together today. To stop keeping score. To let grace flow through me instead of hoarding it for myself. 
 
Because at the end of the day, grace is a river, not a reservoir.  

From his fullness we have all received, grace in place of grace. (John 1:16)  

Lord, let me live today as someone who has been given much — and let my gratitude be shown in the grace I give away. 

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Sharon Agnes Wilson
Images: Canva