Teri Sinnott realizes that trusting God's plan over her own helps her to find contentment in life.
I am pretty sure I have wanted a fourth child since moments after our third was born. My incision had not yet healed from my second Caesarean when I started planning for our next addition. This feeling as if someone was missing from our family. A deep longing in my soul for one more baby.
There are special moments that I want to experience again. Alone time in the hospital with my husband as we bond with a new baby. Looking at him as he holds his new baby for the first time. That look that makes you fall in love even more, every time. I have dreamed of snuggling a newborn again. Rocking a baby to sleep. I love all the moments that the first year brings. All those firsts. Smiles, giggles, steps, and so on. The joy a new, precious life brings.
Getting pregnant has never been very difficult for us. I have been very blessed in that way. It took 7 months with our first. The other three were the first possible opportunity. The doctor had advised me to wait 18 months between pregnancies. I thought for sure that we would get pregnant again right away once we hit that mark. I had started planning what month would be best for our schedules. My confidence was a little too high. I had lost sight that it is never my plan but God’s.
It has now been over a year since we hit that 18-month mark. I knew there were obstacles to having another baby. I just didn’t really take them into serious consideration. I’m 37, almost 38. I’ve had two Caesareans and a D&C from my miscarriage. All three were in a little over 2-year time span. I've often wondered if this aching feeling for someone missing has to do with the baby I lost more so then there being another baby in store for us.
But something has changed over the course of the last few months. I have started to reach a feeling of contentment. Something I didn’t see coming. I have started to feel like God doesn’t have another baby planned for us and I must be okay with that.
I’ve been holding on to all the baby stuff, “just in case.” I suddenly found myself feeling a little selfish. Here I was hanging on to things “just in case,” when others are in actual need of them now. Recently, I have felt compelled to start giving it away. I have had boxes and boxes of items leaving my house for weeks now. I have many of my favorite outfits, some toys and practical items put away in boxes, but much of the bigger items I have given away. My high chair, stroller, a crib, and more, all gone. Almost all newborn and toddler toys are now off to their new homes in anticipation of their use with new baby girls.
I am thankful that God has given me the ability to give items to others who need them. I hope through my generosity, others can feel the love of God. He is the reason for the love in my heart and the desire to help others. Knowing Jesus is what makes the difference in our lives.
In one of my many talks with our Blessed Mother, I have started to feel more at ease with the idea of not having another baby. I have this new focus to embrace where we are right now. Life is changing as the girls get older and I want to enjoy each age and phase with them. God has given me these three beautiful blessings and I should focus energy on that and not longing for something I want.
This summer brings our first experience with sports. My 6 ½ year old is playing soccer and my almost 5-year-old will be playing t-ball. Our youngest is now 2 ½ and able to do so much more than last summer. She grows up a little more every day. I am looking forward to what next fall will bring with two kids in elementary school and a 3-year-old who wants to take dance. I want to embrace all of this.
We have new adventures on the horizon as a family. I need to find excitement for what these new stages will be like. I am striving to get better at the here and now. Focusing on the three little lives God has entrusted to myself and my husband is where I need to put my energy. God always knows best.
If God chose to give us another child at some point, I would of course be happy. My husband and I have both decided that we are open to whatever God has in store for us. Whether it is another baby, adoption, or fostering, we are open to God’s plan. If there are no more children in our future, we are okay with that too. We will see where He leads us and what path he puts in front of us.
But right now, I’m content. My contentment is a reminder to simply be thankful and make the most out of the blessings God has provided, instead of wondering what else may be in store. I’m going to be open to His plans for our family and be willing to say yes to whatever He places before us. I will trust in God, knowing He knows best.
About the Author
Wife, mother of 3, teacher, and blogger Teri Sinnott utilizes her professional experience and passionate heart to encourage others. No stranger to using her voice to create positive change, Teri hosts social media platforms that are centered on inspiration and providing a community for fellowship amongst Christian women. Through service and speaking God’s truths, she hopes to bring people to Christ by speaking to the hearts.