For the Love of Tom

Sarah Torbeck shares the startling effect of obedience to God’s will. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. I had my life completely planned: I would live life purposefully, prayerfully — with a heart full of hope and longing — as I waited in the quiet twilight of my life to behold my Creator, and of course … the countenance of my deceased husband, Steve. 

Everything was exactly as it should be, and I settled in to my existence with the assurance of one who has prepared for almost everything. 

Almost. 

In the space of a heartbeat, everything changed, and I met a man … almost incidentally. 

In the beginning 

We met in the most unromantic way possible: online. I maintain that I was searching for someone who was enduring the pain and inconceivable loneliness of widowhood; a loss that can only be experienced as a response to profound love. 

Oh yes. I loved Steve with a deep and unflinching intensity. We were the epitome of two souls who had become one. 

Thirty years ago, Steve was injured in the line of duty — which served as our initiation into the medical world of continued complications, surgeries, and finally … an untimely death. The pain of his loss was the most difficult trial I have ever known, and the unbearable loneliness became a protracted reminder of the life I had cherished, and the life I had lost. 

I needed to talk with someone who understood this, but my efforts were minimal and fairly ineffective. Discouraged, I decided to stop searching for a kindred spirit — and that’s when I finally met Tom; a man who lived a continent away and understood exactly what it was like to lose the love of his life.  

Slowly … haltingly … we began to share our interests, experiences, and finally our shared sense of grief.  

Relief washed over me as the days turned into weeks of texts, calls and emails. I had found a friend at last; and I happily delved into my new and deepening friendship.  

But. (Stop me if you’ve heard this before.) Life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned. 

An unexpected life 

I married Tom several months later and found myself alternately thrilled and stunned by my reversal of fortune. This simply was not the life I had carefully laid out for myself. 

I remember falling to my knees and begging God for guidance. Was this His will for me? Did He really want me to travel across the country, and marry a man like an impetuous mail-order bride? Was this some sort of cosmic joke? Or was this part of God’s plan all along?  

I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point God made it abundantly clear that this was His will for me, and I followed the path that had opened before me — out of obedience to God — and for the love of Tom. 

I was married a few months ago, and I settled in to my new life as a brewpub owner’s wife … and friend.  

I was incredibly busy at first. I had never worked one day in food service, and I was not a cook either (another one of God’s cosmic jokes). So I spent my days learning and working as I endeavored to help my new husband in the life he had built on the other side of the world.  

I was happy, fulfilled … and I was no longer lonely.  

And yet—there was still something out there—shrouded in mystery. God had made it quite clear that this was the place He had chosen for me, yet I still didn’t understand the ultimate goal of the Divine Will. Why had God been so clear, if not overly obvious, about this new and strange turn in my life? Please Lord, I prayed, why did You bring me here?  

And then … I knew. 

Revelation 

Tom was diagnosed with stage three esophageal cancer three weeks ago.  

We nervously sat in the oncologist’s office listening to the ominous words from the doctor, as he explained procedures and protocols. “You will need a caregiver by your side,” said the doctor. "Do you have someone who is up to the task? It’s a very big commitment.” Tom and I looked at each other as understanding fully dawned.  

If there was one thing I knew, it was how to care for a critically ill husband. 

Later in the car Tom looked at me, and said, “Thank you. God must really love me to have provided for me in such a loving manner.” 

Indeed.  

God knows our every need, in every circumstance. Why He condescends to us to such a degree is beyond my comprehension, but I do know that God loves us profoundly. 

With age-old love I have loved you; so I have kept my mercy toward you. (Jeremiah 31:3) 

So please forgive this belated announcement. The truth is … I was still expecting to wake up from this dream … that turned out to be a daunting yet loving reality.  

And if you are so inclined, during this season of Light, please pray for us as we continue to seek God’s will for our lives.  

For the love of God, and … for the love of Tom. 

Happy New Year. 

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Copyright 2025 Sarah Torbeck
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