Four Ways Out of Emotional Quandaries

Helen Syski finds Mortimer Adler’s four criteria for points of criticism helpful for parenting. 

There are many moments as a parent where the swirl of emotions in front of you threatens to engulf your reason and understanding. So many words, so much angst, and you so desire to cut through it all with Christ’s truth and love!   

Empathy grows love but can also cloud my own understanding. As I wade into the undergrowth in the jungle of my child’s emotions and experiences, the weeds sometimes close in behind me and I find myself unable to answer their questions. I myself am reliving my own experiences of despair or feelings of abandonment. 

The Holy Spirit always responds to our cries for help. I recently came across an excellent framework for navigating back out of those jungles and meeting the needs of the child in front of me. 

Four Cardinal Directions out of the Jungle 

How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler and Charles Van Doren is a classic exposition on how to read, understand, and critique a book. It is an excellent guide to exercising your brain and gaining from the wisdom of those who came (or come) before us. I have come away with an additional insight: everything he says can be applied to understanding and communicating with my children. 

After covering preliminary and analytical reading of books, Adler and Doren reach their “Special Criteria for Points of Criticism,” or how to find fault with an author in a respectful, productive way. An important part of reading is to digest and decipher our own thoughts and opinions on the author’s claims. This is exactly what we need to do with our children! 

Turns out that in the jungle, we have four cardinal points of direction:   

Show wherein the author is uninformed … Show wherein the author is misinformed. Show wherein the author is illogical … Show wherein the author’s analysis or account is incomplete. (How to Read a Book, page 162)  

Substitute “child” for “author,” and you have an excellent framework for helping your child out of their jungle. 

Detective Mommy 

So now when I try to make sense of my children’s difficulties, be they a sibling squabble or a theological quandary, I pray to the Holy Spirit for insight and approach with this basic structure:   

• Is there something my child doesn’t know?  
• Does my child think something is true that is not true? 
• Is there a place in his/her line of thinking that simply does not follow? 
• Is there something my child is leaving out of his/her thinking? 

When you find yourself overwhelmed by the weeds, help your child find his/her way back to the truth and love of Jesus on one of these four paths.  

If you find yourself needing a fifth path, the Holy Spirit was your guide all along. And He’s a superb bushwhacker and way finder! 

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Copyright 2026 Helen Syski
Images: Canva