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Helen Syski realizes that teaching chastity begins from day one, helping children learn to graciously receive gifts rather than grab for more. 


Oh, let’s have a fun night!   

I was feeling warm and cozy, maternal and domestic. I baked warm gooey brownies, and surprised my brood with ice cream sundaes, complete with homemade butterscotch. The surprise was met with enthusiasm and we all began to devour dessert. All was well ... until the first child finished, and the others caught up.  

"Mom, can I have more? Pleeeease?" 

"He had more than me!" 

"If I eat more chicken, can I have more ice cream?" 

"There's only three more brownies! You didn't finish your dinner! We get them!" 

"Can we have dessert tomorrow too?" 

"When are you going to make brownies again?"  

I instantly regretted my culinary success and put my head in my hands. Why can't they just receive and be grateful? Why can they only think of getting more?  

 

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My new mantra became "Gratitude, not Grab-itude." We receive gifts in order to allow ourselves to be filled with the love of the giver, rather than grasping for more, more, more! We appreciate the beauty or ingenuity of a toy we see at the store, but it does not mean we must own it! We can marvel instead at its maker and our Maker, thrilled to live in a world where such wonders exist.  

In the Garden of Eden, Eve had everything. Imagine the beauty that surrounded her, the delicious food at her fingertips. But she was not able to simply receive. The Tree of Knowledge was there for her to admire, to lean against, to stay cool in its shade. The fruit likely gave a lovely perfume to the air and vibrant color to the Garden. The Tree and its fruit were not evil; they were a creation of God’s. The fruit was simply not to be consumed. Unfortunately for us, Eve was not content with window shopping: she must own it! And so she ate the fruit.  

Listening to Jason Evert’s podcast Lust is Boring! with guest Bishop Erik Vaden made me realize just how important this concept would be for my children as they grew. Learning to live with gratitude is the first step to a healthy chastity. 

 

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Evert and Vaden discuss the importance of allowing ourselves to be “pierced by beauty.” We need to allow God’s goodness and artistry to pervade and purify our souls by “appreciating, not appropriating.” We must “let go of the assumption you get to possess anything you desire.”   

This importance of letting go of the impenetrable-shell chastity and exchange it for a fully alive, godly chastity is emphasized, and the how discussed, during this fabulous one-hour interview. They name despair as the real enemy of chastity: we despair of the goodness of the Father; we despair when we find evil suggestions within; we despair of being full or whole.  

Vaden discusses the original wording of the Bible, where God says “Be perfect” could also be translated as “Be whole.” When we are grateful and receiving, we do not lack, and so we can be whole as God intends. When we are grabbing, we are seeking to make up for a perceived lack, and we are no longer whole.  

 

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Temptations, however, are not to be feared or shunned, but rather viewed as an opportunity for grace. We can let them be reminders to turn to God at every moment with gratitude and receive His grace — now temptations can truly be blessings!   

So next time your toddler is tantruming because you won’t buy him the M&Ms at checkout, remember these little lessons give him a huge leg up when puberty comes! 

 

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Copyright 2024 Helen Syski
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