Heal Your Inner Child and Be a More Integrated Mother

Taryn DeLong reviews Brya Hanan’s new book, Befriending Your Inner Child: A Catholic Approach to Healing and Wholeness. 

Befriending Your Inner Child: A Catholic Approach to Healing and Wellness

by Brya Hanan
Published by Ave Maria Press

In the past, I’ve been skeptical of “inner child work.” The phrase has always smacked of hocum and potentially new age thinking. However, it turns out to be based in psychological research and compatible with the Catholic faith. Brya Hanan, a Catholic licensed marriage and family therapist and certified family trauma specialist, has convinced me that this work is important. 

What Is Your “Inner Child”?  

Hanan’s new book, Befriending Your Inner Child: A Catholic Approach to Healing and Wholeness, was released by Ave Maria Press in April. In it, she blends psychological research, personal and client experiences, and Catholic teaching to help readers start to heal their emotional wounds. 

Hanan writes that we tend to abandon and fragment ourselves to manage emotional pain. That pain may come from serious trauma or not. But we all “neglect our pain and find ways to distract ourselves from our inner world.” We ignore our wounds rather than heal them.  

The small internal cracks of fragmentation quickly deplete the faith, hope, and love the Lord offers us.

By better understanding our inner child and healing the wounds she experienced, we can become more integrated and experience the fullness of God’s love and the life He planned for us. 

Service-Oriented Healing 

Moms have all heard the cliche that you have to put on your own oxygen mask first. It’s a literal guideline in airplane emergencies, but it’s also a reminder of the importance of caring for yourself so you can care for others.  

Similarly, Hanan doesn’t advocate healing for one’s own sake alone. As daughters of God, we deserve healing. But we also need healing in order to fully serve the people God has given us to serve:  

Befriending our inner child is meant to move us from the leper, the unclean, the blind, and the Samaritan in ourselves to the leper, the unclean, the blind, and the Samaritan in others. … Thus, as we seek to better understand and befriend our inner child, we will also better understand and befriend the inner child in others, and through that process, learn how to offer ourselves as a sincere gift. 

I’ve witnessed this truth since becoming a mother. I will never be perfect, never be fully healed, until I reach Heaven. However, the more I heal from my own wounds, the better I can care for my family.  

Hanan goes beyond service, though. The goal of healing is always to grow closer to God.

Jesus is so united with God that he can always acknowledge what is broken and in need of love and healing without it stealing his equilibrium and peace. ... the service Jesus applauds and exemplifies is one of slowing down to recognize and honor the presence of God. 

Hold on Loosely  

I have always struggled with control. I would like to have perfect control over my life and my family. Since becoming a mother, though, I’ve learned the hard way that I actually would prefer that God be in control. His plan is better than mine. 

Still, it’s hard to let go. I have goals and aspirations and ambitions — and that’s good. But I need to hold onto them loosely and keep my trust in God. Hanan writes that our desire for control comes from our adolescent self: 

This part of us grasps and clings to all that cannot satisfy or offer us the healing we need most. Unfortunately, our protective part cannot see this, because it also lives with many unspoken rules that it has been convinced are necessary for survival. These unspoken rules chain us to the past and keep us from experiencing the Lord’s freedom. 

Too often, we cling to something other than God — good things like a job, a spouse, or a desired family size. I have a wonderful husband, but he is no replacement for my Father. I have work that I am passionate about, but it is no replacement for Jesus. Prayer and the sacraments, of course, help build trust and reliance on God. But, Hanan reminds us, it’s also important to work on healing our inner child as well. 

Is this a book you'd like to read? Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2024 Taryn DeLong
Images: Canva
This article contains Amazon affiliate links, which provide a small compensation to the author of this piece when purchases are made through the links, at no cost to you. Thank you for supporting our Catholic Mom writers in this way.