Hearing the Hard Truths

When Claire McGarry argues with her teen daughter, she hears a hard truth about herself that she needs to accept.

My teen daughter and I have been butting heads lately. No matter what issue I raise with her, or what lesson I try to teach her, she argues back. She used to be such an easy kid: so approachable and willing to learn. I’ve been chalking it up to her being a teen. However, I’m still not okay with the disrespect it results in.

Recently, when I called her on it, she responded, “I’m not trying to be disrespectful. I’m just trying to defend myself.” I told her that was the root of the problem. She couldn’t be hearing and addressing the issues I raise if she’s too busy building her case against what I’m saying.

That’s when she replied: “But the way you talk to me lately feels like an attack. It automatically makes me defensive. I feel like I have to defend myself all the time.”

I wasn’t in the mood to hear her critique of me. This was supposed to be about me addressing her attitude, not her addressing mine. But it’s days later, and her words keep echoing in my mind and heart.

I think they’re lingering because there’s some truth in them. I’ve hit a stage in my motherhood where I am sick and tired of repeating myself — having to address my kids on the same issues over and over again. When are they just going to fix the old issues so we can move on?

It’s that attitude that has me impatient, accusatory, and a heartbeat away from exploding over their recurring infractions. I’ve felt justified in my approach because enough IS enough!

But hearing my daughter’s hard truth about me has hit home. I still believe I have a right to draw a firm line on the recurring issues in my household. But clearly, the way I’m doing it needs to change if I want to be effective.

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The God of our ancestors raised Jesus, though you had him killed by hanging him on a tree. (Acts 5:30)

After Peter and the Apostles were thrown into jail for preaching about Jesus and His Resurrection, they were brought before the Sanhedrin. When the high priest reminded them that they’d already been told to stop, Peter didn’t shy away from the hard truth. Instead, he reminded them that they had killed Christ. Even though Peter knew that saying so would result in the Sanhedrin’s fury, and possibly his death, Peter couldn’t help himself. Speaking truth is paramount and a non-negotiable when following Christ.

My daughter took a big risk by speaking truth to me. Her words didn’t accomplish their purpose in the moment. I got too defensive and deflected them. But God is always working to soften the hearts of those who want to learn, grow, and follow Him.

As her words settle deeper, I’m seeing my teenager's point. I’m also trying to change my style. I’ll still be calling her out on her bad choices and misbehavior. But rather than doing it from a place of impatience and accusation, I’ll hopefully be doing it from a place of love, inspiring her to step it up, make changes, and leave the old issues in the past.

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