Help Your Teens Feel Better About Life

Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur reviews The Disengaged Teen by Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop.

The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better

By Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop
Published by Crown

Being a teenager is hard. Hormonal changes, trying to figure out one’s place in the world, navigating friendships and new romantic relationships, and school pressure can add up to a whole lot of anxiety and angst. Throw in an (un)healthy dose of social media, and you can have a perfect storm. Teenagers today are struggling, and many don’t see the value in school anymore. Among those who do and are high achievers, many are burning out, playing the academic game well but suffering as a result. How can parents and educators help?  

In The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better, Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop explore the challenges facing teens today, especially where school is concerned, and offer suggestions for ways parents can help teens feel better about their lives today and their futures. 

Four Groups of Learners 

Anderson and Winthrop state that “the science and practice of good learning is called engagement.” Those who are engaged in their learning have “self-awareness and intrinsic motivation” (xvi). They want to learn and know how to learn. 

The authors divide learners into four groups. Resisters let you know that school isn’t working for them. They try to take some control over their situation through disruptive behavior in the classroom or by refusing to go to school. Passengers do the bare minimum that is required. Depending on their natural abilities, they may get good grades, but they aren’t interested in their classes. Achievers are highly motivated and get top grades, but they become risk-averse. School becomes less about learning and more about getting the best grades and always doing well. Explorers are individuals who are deeply involved in their learning.  

Being an explorer is the goal in most cases, although the authors maintain there are times in life when being a passenger or an achiever is appropriate. However, the modern school system isn’t designed to encourage students to be explorers. Teachers are overworked. They are trying to meet the needs of a wide variety of learners in their classroom, and the curriculum is often rigid. As a result, students are frequently not invested in their learning and aren’t working toward their own goals. Even the motivated students are working to achieve the school’s goals, not their own. 

How to Help Teens Learn Better 

How can parents and educators help teens be more interested in learning, not for a grade but for the knowledge itself? When children have some control over their learning, they tend to be more engaged. For example, teachers can give students more choice in what types of projects they do and how they show they are learning the material. This can go a long way in reducing student apathy. Parents can work at not nagging their teens to do their schoolwork and instead give them ownership over it. Parents can and should “talk to them about what they learn at school and what is happening in their lives, cheer them on in their academic pursuits, and help them get through hard times. This, much more than direct homework help, helps teens grow” (142). 

Parents should refrain from criticizing schools, even if they disagree with some aspects of what is going on in the classroom. Invite your teens to teach you about what they are learning. You can also help teens develop their executive function skills by having them make lists of tasks they need to complete and prioritize them. Rather than telling them to do their homework, ask them about their plan for getting their work done.  

While teens may not have much control over what they learn in the classroom, parents can help teens explore interests that matter to them outside of school. When teens have an activity they care about, whatever that may be, and parents support them in that interest, it can help them learn how to learn and to feel better about themselves and life in general. 

Parenting teens isn’t easy. Even when one prays for guidance, it can be hard to know what to say or do. The Disengaged Teen is worth reading to gain some insight into teenagers today, the challenges they are facing, and to learn some ways to help them gain agency over their lives and improve their mental health.   

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Copyright 2025 Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur
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