Hidden Moments of Pain

A meditation on the suffering we keep hidden and encouragement not to hide that suffering from God.

How do you explain what it means to sit with someone in their suffering? In their pain and just be with them? How do you explain it in the simplest of terms, such as how you may explain it to a child? Could we use Jesus on the cross as an example? A visual aid, of sorts, to convey what suffering looks like? A visual representation of what pain could look like because their little minds can't grasp the concept but are able to recognize it in someone's face? Throughout my years as a mother, I have learned that children can definitely tell when someone is in pain.

As I recently sat in adoration (another concept I just don't yet understand and don't know how to explain to my children), I was suffering. I have been suffering. I've dealt with and continue to deal with mental illness in several ways, along with an eating disorder. If you look at me on the outside, I probably seem perfectly fine. Like I have my head on my shoulders and am, for the most part, on top of things. Do I look perfect every day? No, but I look put together. Do I seem normal, calm, and collected? On the outside, sure. Do I look healthy? According to numbers, yes.

But that's the trouble with suffering with mental illness. Or any illness that can't be seen by the naked eye. And it makes me wonder. How much suffering did Jesus hide? How much pain and anguish did He feel but didn't show because He knew He needed to be strong for those around Him? Yes, He did have a moment where he cried out to God, our Father.

And about three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46)

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Yet amid His last moments, those last excruciating moments on the cross, He remained strong and faithful.

How many times do we hide in our moments of pain? More importantly, how often do we, as His children, turn to Him for comfort? Because no matter how much pain and suffering we are going through, He is still there. He is and always will be our provider, Our Father.

As I sat that evening in our little Adoration chapel, still not knowing exactly what I was doing in front of the monstrance (in front of Him), I silently shared that I was suffering. That I was in pain and have been in pain for a long time. Even now, as I write these words, I am in pain. No, you probably can't see it. And I don't talk about it. But it's there. God knows it's there and knows that I'm trying with every fiber of my being to keep fighting.

In the same way that God is still fighting each and every day for our souls, I am fighting. For not only my soul but for the souls of many. In the same way that I will never give up fighting for those I love, I know God won't ever give up fighting for me.

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As Catholics, we not only have God who we can turn to, but we also have the beautiful gift of the saints. And for those of us who suffer from mental illness, we have St. Dymphna. In some of my darkest times, I truly believe that part of the reason I am still here today, fighting, has been a combination of St. Dymphna's saintly intercession along with the love of God, Our Father.

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How many times do we hide in our moments of pain? #catholicmom

If you are struggling, I encourage you to reach out to St. Dymphna, Our Father, and Mary. May you find peace and comfort in and with them by your side.

Prayer to St. Dymphna

Good Saint Dymphna, great wonder-worker in every affliction of mind and body, I humbly implore your powerful intercession with Jesus through Mary, the Health of the Sick, in my present need. (Mention it.) Saint Dymphna, martyr of purity, patroness of those who suffer with nervous and mental afflictions, beloved child of Jesus and Mary, pray to Them for me and obtain my request.

(Pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory Be.)

Saint Dymphna, Virgin and Martyr, pray for us.

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