Hold On to Who You Are

Asked to write a letter of encouragement to her son as he begins his senior year of high school, Jen Scheuermann hopes to remind him of his true identity. 

The Most Important Question: Who are you? 

The moment I found out I was going to be your mom rivals few others as one of the most joyful in my life. I didn’t yet know if you were a boy or girl, if you’d be quiet or talkative, easy-going or feisty–but it made no difference. I knew the only thing I needed to know: You were mine.  

That single fact was all it took to fill my heart with love for you. Finally seeing and holding you nine months later confirmed what I already knew: Despite having yet done nothing, you had already captured my heart. 

We’ve been asked to write letters of encouragement for you to read on retreat. I’ve thought and prayed much about what to write, what words would help carry you on hard days, guide you when you don’t know the way, and ground you when all seems too good to be true. And I keep coming back to the same thing: Hold on to who you are.  

But who are you?  

I’ll admit this is a strange question for a mother to ask her son, but I’ve learned this question of who we are is the most important one we’ll ever answer. I’ve also learned that very often, we get it wrong … just as I did for decades.  

The Most Important Truth: He loved you before He created you. 

Humor me for a minute and pause. Take a deep breath. Picture the world and all the things that fill you with awe, everything that makes you feel small … the deepest of oceans and tallest of mountains. Twinkling stars too numerous to count and blue skies that turn pink on a random Wednesday evening. The tiniest of insects and trees so large we can stand in their trunks. Now think of the people, all 8 billion people.  

One God created all of this, the whole world and all that is in it. But here's the most important thing, the one thing I don’t want you to miss: Before He created one single thing, and before He created people in general, He was already thinking of you. He knew that none of those things would be good enough without you. He knew His heart would never be okay without you.  

And so He made you. 
In His very own image, He made you.
Unlike anyone else, He made you.
He wanted you before He saw you.
He loved you before He created you.
And, there is nothing you can ever do or not do, say or not say, achieve or not achieve that will change this truth.  

So who are you?   

Already wanted is who you are. 
Already loved is who you are. 
Beautiful, unrepeatable, and beyond valuable is who you are —
And this will never change.  

When You Forget: Come to me. 

I hope you go through life with this truth forever in your mind, informing all of your feelings and directing all of your choices. But unfortunately, this isn’t the message the world reinforces. The world tells us we are what we do. That our value comes from our success or our usefulness. That our beauty comes from our looks.  

When you’re successful, and attractive, and things are going well, it’s easy to fall for the message the world sells, and regardless of whether the topic is school, sports, your career, or life, it’s so easy to let these things define you. They slowly become who you are, and start to direct all your choices. And though it starts out harmless, any path that ties your worth to what you do, how well you do it, or how you look is anything but.  

My son, this year marks the beginning of so many changes; you’ll likely make more major decisions about your life and future in the next decade than during any other period of your life. I pray during this period and beyond that you hold on to the truth of who you are, because only this will allow you to make each life choice freely.  

And only when your feet are firmly planted in the truth that you matter, and that you’re already wanted, already loved, and incapable of changing that will you be able to go wherever God calls you, do all that He asks of you, and become the amazing person He created you to be.  

Some days embracing who you are will be easy. But for the days that it’s hard, the days where your circumstances, or your feelings, or the voice of the world whisper otherwise, I pray you will come to me …  

Because I, too, wanted you before I saw you. 
And I loved you before I knew you. 
And I will remind you of your goodness, of your beauty, and of your unchanging worth again and again until you remember.  

I love you always,
Mom 

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Copyright 2025 Jennifer Scheuermann
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