How a Golf Term Changed My Perspective on Forgiveness

 Emily Jerger shares how everyone has the right to a do-over and encourages practicing forgiveness in the home.  

I apologized to my almost-one-year-old. It was a particularly tender moment as I tried to put on his pants following a diaper change that had been completed over thirty minutes prior. I knelt down, looked at him, and said something to the extent of, “I’m sorry for how I treated you last night. Mommy was tired and did not care for you like you deserve.”

He smiled at me in the sweetest way as if he understood what I said and was saying, “I forgive you and I love you mom.” Then he swung his hand and swiped me in the face. Wham!

It is hard to put into words how God speaks through this little boy. Perhaps I am reading into this interaction more than is really there, but I felt a grace of peace in that moment, a peace that reminds me of the Sacrament of Confession. I really felt like that sweet, albeit painful interaction touched the mystery of God. I felt forgiven and challenged. God loves us profoundly and He also wants us to become holy.

My husband and I used to have a practice in the first few years of our marriage that we called “spousal check-ins” in which we intentionally sat down and talked about a number of core topics: highs and lows since our last check-in, our needs and goals for the week ahead, a time of “sharing is caring,” about anything important we wanted to say, and a moment of confession in which each spouse heard and forgave the other.

Of all the topics we covered, the confession piece was always the hardest for me. I knew that I probably offended my husband or intentionally hurt him, but I did not always know what to pinpoint exactly — or to be completely honest, when was aware, I did not want to admit it openly or change. Just as Catholics cannot go to the Sacrament of Confession without a firm purpose of amendment, I wrestled with my attachment to certain behaviors and wondered if there was even a point to saying “I’m sorry.”

A New Perspective on Conversion

Despite my wrestling with imperfect contrition, I noticed God healing a part within me that actually expected anger and rejection instead of understanding, mercy, and forgiveness from my spouse. As I came to recognize how often I fell into similar faults and struggled with particular weaknesses and sins, it made me realize how much we are all a work in progress and that tenderness and patience goes a long way in bearing with weaknesses. With greater love comes a greater willingness to try to change, even if I fail again. Through the practice of forgiveness in the family, I began to see conversion less as a matter of “doing better” and more as a matter of being loved and loving more fully.

The process of asking for forgiveness taught me that in our vulnerability there is the possibility of finding communion with one another. I remember one particularly moving day in which I had messed up majorly. Post-confession my husband talked to me about what a “mulligan” is in golf, and how I have the right to a “do-over” as well. His compassion toward me in a moment when I felt profound embarrassment and shame opened up new horizons. I now carry a sense of peace even in the face of my failure and mistakes. I think about what my husband told me. We can all have a mulligan from time to time.

Forgiveness in the Family

Although my son is just getting started in life, I hope that in seeing his mom and dad apologizing and extending forgiveness he will learn to do the same in his own life. I hope he will grow up to know the love and mercy of God in a deeply personal way. I hope he will come to understand that God sees beyond the bad we did or the good we failed to do.

I encourage you, if you do not have the practice of family forgiveness, to begin this week. Giving space for acknowledging that we all make mistakes means teaching through our example that God loves the sinner and embraces us in our weakness. Even if our apology is not perfect, we can get better with practice and we all have the right to a mulligan.

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Copyright 2026 Emily Jerger
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