How Ma Ingalls and the Blessed Mother Influence Me as a Mom

Elena LaVictoire considers the positive effects of two powerful motherly examples.

I’ve been reading the Little House series with my granddaughter. It’s my third or fourth time through the entire series. This is a highly edited adaptation of Laura Ingalls Wilder's memoirs (1867-1857), written specifically for children and young readers. The books follow the adventures and challenges of the Ingalls family in the post-Civil War Era as they journey further west in search of opportunity.

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The Little House example

Laura’s mother, Ma, is one of my favorite characters in the books. Throughout the series, she is portrayed as a strong, hard-working, brave, gentle woman. Her words are carefully chosen, and she is conscientious in protecting what her children hear and are exposed to. I recently learned that Laura did not start writing her books until she was in her mid-50s. Her Ma’s death was the instigating factor. Although Laura and her mother were avid in their letter writing and correspondence, they had not seen each other in person for more than 20 years because of the distance. Grief brought all the memories to the forefront with such power that Laura Ingalls had to write them down. The rest is history.

Laura’s memories of her mother were primarily good ones. Sometimes, grief does that. But there certainly are a lot of examples of Ma’s virtue. She works diligently for her family by keeping the home and growing, preparing, and storing food. She steps in for Pa several times to take over care of the livestock and the farm in his absence. She bravely fights a fire with a mop and a pail, nurses her children to health, and deals with tragedy and heartache with dignity and not despair.

Not all examples are positive.

The death of a loved one can elevate the dead above what they ever were in life. All the faults and idiosyncrasies that drove us crazy in life don’t seem so important when we process someone’s death.

But sometimes the opposite is true. I loved my own grandmother with all my heart and deeply mourned her passing. But as I became a mother and then a grandmother, I realized that a lot of my memories of her were not good, and some were scary. One memory hurt my feelings so badly that I think it still affects me today.

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Mothering like Mary

Once, I caught one of my children in deceit and sinful behavior. My natural urge was to rant, rave, and scream, much like I had experienced growing up with my grandma. But what would that accomplish? To this day, I remember the aftermath of my own transgressions but not the transgressions themselves! Clearly, if I wanted to change the behavior meaningfully, I had to go a different way.

Maybe Laura’s mother’s example influenced me to keep a calm and gentle spirit. Maybe my Catholic upbringing reminded me that our Blessed Mother also has few words in the Scriptures, but what she does say is always well-measured and uplifting.

“His mercy is from age to age, to those who fear him." (Luke 1:50)

She shows us love and mercy when she finds the young Jesus again in the Temple.

After three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions, and all who heard him were astounded at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him, they were astonished, and his mother said to him, “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.”
And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”
But they did not understand what he said to them. (Luke 2:46-50)

Mary doesn’t rant or rave, but lets Jesus know how scared she is. They talk about it, and then Jesus goes home with them and obeys their parenthood. This memory was a good one for Mary, because the Scriptures tell us that she treasured it.

In retrospect, I think being raised with a devotion to the Blessed Mother helped me appreciate those qualities in Ma Ingalls and then try to apply them to my own life. I gently confronted my child about their wrongdoing, told them the consequences, removed some privileges, and then let them talk it out.

A few days later, we went to Confession with a kindly priest, which put the incident in the past, and we moved forward without much drama or damage.

At this point in my life, I wonder how my children will remember me. I’m sure I have many faults, and I hope they will cover them with grace. But I hope they remember that I tried to meet them with mercy and love, and that any punishments were really for their own protection.

May the gentle women around us in life and literature, as well as the example of our own Blessed Mother, guide us in how we live our lives and serve our families.

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