How Self-Reflection Helps Me Be a Better Mom

Liz Montigny shares the how-tos and benefits of a retreat experience and regular self-reflection.

As an entrepreneur, mom to three boys and homeschooler to one, it may sound like I don't have much time for anything else. I'm sure many of you feel this way. But I was blessed to lead a week-long retreat last month and taking myself away from the familiar helped me appreciate my family, how I serve others, and the wonder of God's creation. I have self-reflection time built into my schedule and I want to encourage you to do the same.

Whatever season of motherhood you are in, this is valuable time. Here are simple ways you can create a self-reflection practice in your life and why it's worth it. Pick a practice and begin.

Daily

You can use a daily examination of conscience, such as this Examen adapted from St. Ignatius of Loyola's Spiritual Exercises, at the end of the day. This doesn't take much time and can help you focus on gratitude and how to make the most tomorrow.

Weekly

I coach my clients to use a Victory List. At the end of the week, take a few minutes to sit down with a pen and paper and answer three questions:

1. What have I achieved this week? Big or small, it all matters, so be sure to take a quick inventory so you can see your progress.

2. What have I learned this week? We learn through challenges and failures. Remember, failure is an event, not a person.

3. What could I do differently next week? Take some time to ponder the fruits of failure. What did you learn about yourself or others? How can you better equip yourself for challenges in the future? Where is God calling you to go?

Monthly

Create a mini-retreat for yourself. Select a date and schedule a few hours to take yourself out of the familiar. Try that new cafe or go for a short drive to explore a new place. Taking yourself away from the ordinary builds gratitude for what you do have and helps focus your thoughts. When I seem to be overloaded with worries or have decisions weighing on me, I make the choice to take action and do something else. By the time I return to that thought, it's clearer or the answer seems obvious. Taking time to reflect is not about rumination. It's about getting clarity and asking God to help you be honest with yourself and what matters.

Annually

Sure, I may be biased here because this is what I do, but taking some time off from the ordinary helps me be a better wife and mother. I know what you're thinking, how can leaving your family for a week be a good idea? It helps everyone appreciate everyone else's role in the family. It helps our boys take on a little extra responsibility and get some extra Dad time, it helps me appreciate how hard my husband works to provide for us, it helps my husband and children recognize what I do on the daily, and it helps me unplug from decision making.

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Taking time to reflect is not about rumination. It's about getting clarity and asking God to help you be honest with yourself and what matters. #catholicmom

What's your ideal retreat? Have fun creating one for yourself or do a little research and explore what's available to you and save the date!

Copyright 2022 Elizabeth Montigny
Images: Canva