I Am Not Their Savior

Monica Portogallo shares a surprising truth about how to get our loves ones into Heaven.

I have heard some well-meaning Catholic speakers instruct their audiences that it is their job to make sure their loved one get into Heaven. The priest even said it during the homily at my wedding.  

I understand the sentiment they are trying to convey. We must pray for our loved ones. We need to encourage their spiritual growth. We are responsible for helping to teach our children in the faith. We cannot be a hindrance to the moral development or a stumbling block to the faith of those we love most.

For people like me who have a predisposition to unhealthy codependency, though, this can be an almost dangerous idea — because we take it too far.  

"You’re going to Heaven whether you like it or not!"  

We talk to them about God more than talking to God about them. We do more than just encourage their spiritual growth; we may try to trick or manipulate them into participating in events and activities that we think will lead them to grow spiritually. We may tell ourselves the end justifies the means and do sinful things, such as lying, in the name of our loved ones’ salvation. We might be overprotective of our children or take away a spouse’s access to a vice (and thus, free will) in the name of preventing them from sinning.  

You see, what starts out as genuine concern for the eternal salvation of someone I love morphs into my desire to control the situation and “save” them. As you might imagine, this kind of behavior often has the opposite effect on someone who needs encouragement to grow spiritually. Nobody wants to be controlled or tricked into being holier.  

They Already Have a Savior  

For people like me, I would modify the admonishment regarding our loved ones just a bit. Our job, through our example, words, actions, and prayer, is to point them toward Jesus, or as the Blessed Mother put it, to magnify the Lord. He is the one who will take them home to Heaven.

Imperfect people like us don’t need to feel responsible to save our loved ones. Christ has already done it. We just need to make sure we’re not doing anything to interfere. 

Share your thoughts with the Catholic Mom community! You'll find the comment box below the author's bio and list of recommended articles.

Copyright 2025 Monica Portogallo
Images: Canva