I Fit with Jesus

Cait Winters reflects on her struggles to fit in and finding her place in Jesus Christ.

Have you ever struggled to fit in? Felt like an outsider? Finally find where you belong only for imposter syndrome to set in? I have! 

I grew up in a small town in New England, a rural town which attracts two distinct types of families: the well-to-do and the salt-of-the-earth. My family was blue-collar, happy to raise us away from the cities they grew up in but not wealthy by any means. I had friends in high school but did not move to the town until middle school. This meant that I was entering into a group of kids who had been friends since kindergarten, at least. I found some friends, always connecting with the underdogs and artsy kids, but I no solid “group.” 

By the time I graduated high school, I had endured my parents’ divorce and concealed an early pregnancy from my peers. Teen parenthood and fleeing the abusive relationship I was in further isolated me from my peers. As they moved on to colleges and parties, I worked my way through tech school and jumped into the work force, all while picking up the pieces of my heart.  

I was a loving, doting mother and I can say that with confidence now, but it wasn’t always the case. Young mothers have much to live up to and my age cast a shadow of doubt on me everywhere I went. I worked in the medical field and had to prove my intelligence and work ethic to my bosses despite my baby face. I took my daughter to dance class and school events, but other mothers were a generation ahead of me and uninterested in friendship with a girl in her early 20s.  

I wished I could be like the other moms I saw

Oh, how I wished to be like them one day. Most were married, had several children, owned homes, and carried themselves with confidence and grace. I, on the other hand, felt lost and unsure of myself. As the years went by, the cracks in my heart eventually let the light in. I returned to the Catholic faith of my childhood, met my faithful husband and was married. I was in a groove then, mid-twenties, established career, my daughter doing well in school and with her peers. Then we joyfully welcomed two children in two years, and I left the medical field to raise them as a stay-at-home mom.  

I was overjoyed to have the chance I missed. Spending every day with my children was a dream come true. Yet, I felt the isolation creep in again. The friends that surrounded me on my wedding day had been scattered by their own life events and I was hardly available. During this time, I began to write publicly on my blog and social media. It was my way of reaching out and finding community with writers and other Catholic moms. I made great connections and found inspiration but, soon I once again felt out of place. 

The popular bloggers didn’t seem to struggle like I did. Their photos were curated, their homes were pristinely decorated and clean despite having bunches of beautiful, perfectly spaced children all in a row. Most were beautiful, highly educated, discerned religious life and married early in life.  I was a bit of a hot mess mama, rough around the edges with a sarcastic wit, blended family and a colorful past. What we had in common though was Jesus. I was just as Catholic as the most polished influencer even if I didn’t fit the mold. That was usually enough for me but occasionally, comparison would pick at the scars on my heart.   

Caught up in "if only"

I was finally the woman I had prayed to be, married, in my 30’s, ladylike (though still working on the grace part!) I was grateful for the progress I’d made but in my darkest moments I’d wonder who I’d be if things were different: If I were born into generational wealth. If my parents stayed together and kept going to church. If I wasn’t searching for love in all the wrong places when I should have been discerning my vocation. If I was studying at a university instead of rebuilding my life when it should have been beginning.  

If only my past had reflected the desires of my soul. I would have been seen for who I am outside my circumstances. I could have accomplished more, helped more people, done more for God! But Jesus reminded me though His word that He was a misfit too.  

Jesus was a misfit too

He was an unlikely King, born in a manger and not a throne (Luke 2:7). A poor boy, brought up in a family of humble means (2 Corinthians 8:9). The Son of a divine blended family, born to the Blessed Virgin and raised by His foster father, Saint Joseph (Matthew 1:24-25). A familiar face, not seen for who He was (Matthew 13:57). An outsider and an outcast on God’s behalf, even to the point of death (Matthew 27:16-26).  

He never fit in here because He was never meant to. Though He, fully God and fully man, felt sadness and grief, He knew God had a plan and He never deviated. While I am no Christ, it puts all these feelings into perspective. The truth is the idealized “what if” version of me does not exist. All I have is who I am today and who God is creating me, in His image, to become for His own sake. This work is lifelong and won’t be complete in this life. 

I didn’t let the bouts of impostor syndrome stop me. I continued to pursue writing and enjoyed opportunities guest blogging, podcasting, collaborating and connecting with others. Though things have slowed on the social media front, it’s unrelated. I’ve grown a holy indifference to internet fame, contentedly focused on my craft and our newest baby, Rose.  

We’re all sojourners trying to make it home. As Christians, our goal should not be to fit into the world, but to change it! I may never fit in here in the ways I once longed for, but that’s okay: I always fit with Jesus.  

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Copyright 2025 Cait Winters
Images: Canva