I'll Start Smoking When I'm Old

Neena Gaynor reflects on the unlikely comfort of an old habit, inviting readers to consider how far they’ve come — and what still quietly lingers. 

I’ve always joked that I’ll start smoking when I’m old.  

The thought lingers: me on a porch rocker, years from now, chain-smoking and sipping hot coffee. A stream of smoke will trail my recounting of how we became those people who packed up and moved to a farm in 2020. My audience, surely an old dog, will offer a respectful wag. 

I won’t do it, of course. Guilt and the dangers of secondhand smoke are enough to keep me from lighting up … for now. 

The Crux of the Matter

That image is exaggerated, but it speaks to a pattern I know well: waiting. My whole life, it’s been “once X happens, then I’ll do Y.” I’ll start exercising after the holidays. I’ll join the women’s group when my schedule clears. I’ll tithe once the bank account feels secure. I’ll follow Jesus once I’ve cleaned myself up. 

It’s an odd predicament. I’m not a procrastinator, not when it comes to the everyday stuff. I wash dishes before dessert hits the table, and I typically finish my Christmas shopping in July. It’s the “extra” stuff I put off: the bold, brave, and sacred parts of life that seem extravagant when real life is already demanding so much. 

Blame It All On My Roots 

I blame it on being a child of Appalachia. The “Life on Hold Phenomenon” is common to us hillbillies. Maybe we don’t feel worthy of more. Perhaps we feel as though anything extra is too much; we barely squeak by each day the way it is. Either way, extra in Appalachia is often deferred: extra is far too often doped up or dozed like the mountaintops. 

And that’s exactly how Satan wants it. Stuck in the rearview mirror or lost in daydreams. Never moving forward. But, as Christ’s people, we are called to be like Living Water. I grew up just a stone’s throw from the Ohio River, and we had to cross it for everything — from pizza nights to tennis lessons. It was muddy and murky (imperfect), yes, but always flowing, always shaping the world around it. Much the same, we are called to action: to love and serve our neighbor, to affect the world around us — to pursue hearts for the sake of Christ. 

The Call 

We’re called to show up today. Not tomorrow. Not only when it’s convenient, when the weather is just right, or when I’ve mastered some skill or gained more confidence. Do you have a comfortable excuse? 

We cannot serve God in the past, and we are not promised tomorrow. The closest we are to Heaven is right now, this moment.  

Breaking habits is hard. It’s exactly why I’ll keep steering clear of Lucky Strikes — my grandfather’s old favorite. It’s also why I’m determined to break free of the cycle of waiting for lightning to strike or a booming voice. Today, I choose to live with holy purpose, even in the quiet, the mundane, the oh-so-blessed present. 

As Isaiah reminds us:

Remember not the events of the past, the things of long ago consider not; See, I am doing something new! Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? In the wilderness I make a way, in the wasteland, rivers. (Isaiah 43:18-19) 

It’s time to go with the flow of the Living Water and shape the world around us. All for Jesus! 

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Copyright 2025 Neena Gaynor
Images: Canva